3/30...A day to celebrate!

Has it really been 13 months since our last post?!?  SMH.

March 30th is a special day in our family.  Why, you might ask?  Because it is the day the family of 4 became a family of 5.  We grew by 2 little feet.  6 months and 2 weeks prior, we brought home our precious baby girl after only having found out about her less than 12 hours earlier.

So tomorrow marks the 4th anniversary of Christyana's finalization.  If you have adopted a child, then you know the pain, sweat and tears that goes into making a child permanently a part of your family.  For those that haven't experienced that...let me give you a brief picture.  In the state of Texas (at the time), when you took custody of a child you wanted to adopt, the birth mother had up to 30 days to change her mind.  We have known of several instances where this has happened.  It is heart wrenching to hold a baby in your arms thinking they will be yours forever only to have them ripped out a few days later.  Having 3 failed adoptions, we can relate on some level.  The first one, we never held the baby.  However, the other two...the girls were in our home for almost 3 years.  But I don't want to focus on the sad today.

As I was saying...when you take custody of a child, there are a lot of unanswered questions.  Will I love this child as I love my own biological children (if there are any)?  Will we actually be able to adopt?  What happens now?  Those are just a few that went through our minds at the time.  The answer to the first is a resounding YES!!!  I never imagined being able to love a child that didn't come from us.  But the moment we set eyes on her, we were in love!  I know many adoptive parents have gotten that question.  The best answer I have is...Love multiplies, it doesn't divide.  If you wonder if you could ever love an adopted child as much as your biological children...go adopt a child and see how God give you the ability to love like you have never known.  Don't get me wrong, I don't love any one of my children more than the others.  I just never imagined the kind of love I would have for a child I barely knew.

For all adoptions, the state requires a minimum of 6 monthly post-placement visits before you can finalize.  So with each visit we worried if something would happen that would take our little girl away from us.  We had a wonderful social worker and each visit was delightful but there was always that bit of apprehension.

The day finally came when we had passed all the "tests" and survived all the questioning and worrying.  March 30, 2012 was court day.  We chose to finalize in San Antonio as the courts in Houston were backed up and were more expensive.  After spending the money to do a private adoption (which there is no cost too great, mind you) we trimmed wherever we could.  We decided to make a mini vacation out of it.  We hadn't gotten away in quite some time.  We had been living in a bubble for the 6 months prior due to Christyana's health concerns.  We were finally ready to make her a Boyles, legally.  We had a very nice attorney who walked us through the process for the day.  It was a BIG day.

Like any other parent planning for a special occasion, we spent some time figuring out what she would wear for her big day.  We settled on a cute little dress with butterflies on it.  The butterflies, to us, signified "a new beginning and new life."  As usual the traffic was fairly heavy getting from Houston to San Antonio.  My sweet wife made me stop at 3 Payless shoe stores so we could find the perfect shoes to match our baby girl's dress.  Little did we know this would become part of our little diva's personality.  Four years later, she is a fashionista.  But we arrived at the courthouse and anxiously waited outside the courtroom.  There was still a part of me that wanted to pinch myself to make sure this was real.  I had visions of the birthmother waltzing in there and telling us it was all a joke and that we were not really going to be able to adopt her.  Thankfully, that didn't happen.

We finalized and spent a wonderful weekend celebrating.  So as a note to our precious baby girl...Christyana, you are a treasure and truly a gift from God.  We weren't ready for the amazing blessing you are.  After our first failed adoption, we were nervous about losing you, too.  Looking back I can see that the momentary pain we felt in losing Diana prepared us to appreciate the joy of having you.  We wouldn't trade you for a million Dianas.  You add such spice to our family and we wouldn't be the same without you.  With each hug and kiss we fall in love with you more!  Your sweet, high pitched voice; your amazing ability to entertain yourself by singing anytime and anywhere; your incredible capacity to make anyone who crosses your path, smile; your love for Elsa and Anna; your affinity to make friends with older girls and convince them to bring you candy...we treasure every bit of what makes you uniquely you!  You light up our lives and we will forever love you!

All of our love,

Mommy and Daddy!!

This Christmas

It has been a few months since our last entry.  It can be difficult to take the time to share on a regular basis.  But we continue to try.  This one is long.

This Christmas was a bittersweet one for our family.  On 12/11/14 we lost two of our daughters.  Granted it wasn't due to death, but that doesn't make it hurt less.  After 32 months of fighting with the Department of Family Protective Services (aka CPS) alas we were not able to adopt them.  To us, it might as well be a death because of the gaping hole they left in our hearts and the fact that we will probably never see them again.

When we took them into our home back in April/May 2012, many thought we were crazy to have 5 children 6 years old and under.  Maybe they were right.  It was a bit chaotic from day one, that is for sure.  Little did we know how those two precious girls would transform our lives.

The first months were definitely an adjustment, at the very least.  About 6 months into things, we experienced the unexpected.  Caitlyn (the youngest) broke her leg on a trip back from Florida and a visit to Disney World (as well as family).  This was obviously unexpected.  However for those who have never dealt with Residential Child Care Licensing (RCCL) as a foster parent...it is important to know that you are guilty until proven innocent.  I know, you are thinking but the criminal system is just the opposite.  We also assumed that would be the case here.  Boy were we wrong.  We took Caitlyn to a local ER where they confirmed the injury.  They then sent us to Texas Children's Hospital.  From there the disaster began.  Initially they had the opinion that our story of how she broke her leg didn't line up with the injury so they immediately contacted RCCL/CPS claiming we had abused the girls.  For those that don't understand how investigations work, there are two types of investigations as a Foster Parent.  There are the standard investigations and then there is the abuse/neglect investigations.  We were part of the latter.  You would think that this was all a misunderstanding and that it could be resolved rather quickly.  Not the case.  The RCCL investigator came out within 24 hours of Caitlyn being checked into the hospital for a battery of tests.  They proceeded to take X-rays of every bone in her body to see if there had been other injuries that would support their abuse claim.  Naturally, there were no indications of any other injuries.  However, once the wheels are set in motion with CPS, there is no going back.  After running many tests on Caitlyn, it was discovered she had a vitamin D deficiency causing her bones to be brittle.  Had that not been the case, she wouldn't have sustained the injury.  The event that caused it certainly wasn't unusual for a child and didn't typically result in anything serious.  But with her, because of her condition, it did.  Throughout the 45 day investigation (which was a nightmare for us) it was determined that while we were not guilty of abuse (because the hospital had retracted their accusation upon determining the cause of the break as a bone issue, not a care issue) but that we were "Neglectful parents" because we didn't obtain immediate medical attention for Caitlyn.  To paint a brief picture of the circumstances, we were in a hotel unexpectedly due to a broken down vehicle (that needed a new engine due to an oil line break - Toyota recall issue).  Lauren had stepped out to go to the restroom in the hotel for literally 30 seconds.  I stepped out of the room to coordinate with the mechanic.  It was during that brief 30 second period that the incident occurred resulting in the broken leg.  Anyway, we were accused of neglectful supervision and medical neglect.  Keep in mind, had these girls been our legal children, this would have all ended after the hospital determined the bone issue was the cause of the injury.  But as Foster Parents, we are "held to a higher standard."  That never made sense to me as how can you be a better parent than you would be to your own children.  Utter nonsense at best.  So these charges were pretty severe.  We were put on the same level as parents who truly neglect their children and then have them taken away by CPS.  I am sure you have all heard stories like this.  The girls were removed promptly from our home to be returned at the Judge's order 35 days later.  Thus began the 22 month nightmare to fight/appeal the unjust, unsupported and ludicrous charges against us.

Naturally, this took a tremendous toll on our family both financially and emotionally and we will be paying in both areas for a long time to come.  Here we were trying to raise 5 beautiful children while fighting an agency (CPS) who claimed we should't even be parents.  But it was important to us to get the record set straight for a myriad of reasons.  Finally, in July of 2014 we received the final appeals decision clearing our names of the heinous charges.  We were finally free to adopt.  If only that were the end.  The girls were moved from CPS Subcare to CPS Adoption Prep (two distinct departments).  We had noticed some concerning behavior from Caitlyn in the preceding few months and tried to get some support in how to deal with it.  It got to a point where it was so disruptive to our family that our other children were at risk.  Of course, this was a HUGE concern.  We had both girls tested (part of the adoption process).  The results of the evaluations broke our hearts.  What we had been noticing in Caitlyn's behavior was given a name and a root cause.  CPS also had their own independent evaluation done.  Their evaluation proved to be even more concerning.  In the end it was not possible for us to adopt the girls.  CPS finally got what they wanted.  They had fought for 2 years to remove the girls and we fought to keep them.  In the end, it just wasn't God's will.  We endured tremendous slander and were demonized by CPS in court.  At one point, it was said that the problems that Caitlyn experience were because of Lauren's care of her.  This was preposterous, at best.  Caitlyn was diagnosed with Autism and a mood disorder even though she was only 2, almost 3 years old.  We never foresaw these challenges.  Clearly, these were not environmental issues but rather physical/chemical in nature.  Still the accusations hurt deeply and it took everything in me specifically not to fight back.  In the end, it wouldn't have changed the outcome and could have quite possibly caused us further trouble with our 3 legal children at the hands of a spiteful caseworker and supervisor.  In the end, it just wasn't worth it and it wouldn't have been doing what God calls us to do.  We are called to pray for those that persecute us.  Why is that so difficult?!?

The goodbye was better than I expected but terribly traumatic.  We requested that Cyniya be able to finish her school term before the holidays.  CPS was determined to move them the day of court.  So Cyniya got only 2 and a half hours notice that the home she had known for the last 32 months, was not going to be her forever home.  As a parent, that is the worst news I have ever had to break.  The great burden of that conversation was left to us with CPS offering no support and taking the road of the coward.  It absolutely broke our hearts to tell Cyniya.  She had grown so much while in our home.  We had grown to love her dearly and desperately wanted her to be able to stay.  The CPS case worker and the supervisor came to "collect the children."  Fortunately, we at least got a chance to meet the new foster parents.  They seemed very kind and we felt better knowing the girls were going to a Christian home where they would be the only children in the home.  We felt that with Caitlyn's special needs a smaller family would work out better for her.  It was a tearful goodbye.  Lauren had to go into the house as when they loaded Caitlyn in the car, she cried out for "mommy."  I would never wish this scenario on any parent.  For 32 months, Lauren desperately tried to connect to Caitlyn and it wasn't until they were being loaded that she finally saw the fruit of that.  Even in the last moments, CPS acted the coward.  There was no ounce of gratitude for the care we gave.  Instead we were met with a smugness.  They asked if we had "had the conversation."  It took everything within me to be civil.  I wanted to lash out verbally and unload all the emotional turmoil we had experienced.  But in reality that would have accomplished nothing.  We did, however, terminate our Foster license as we are never doing this again.  We could never put our family at risk like this again.  And, honestly, would discourage anyone else from deciding to be a foster parent.

I say all of this to share what I have been chewing on over the last few weeks.  The grief has come in waves.  There was the initial onset and then a period of being numb.  What has gone through my mind repeatedly is the Lord's Prayer.  I have said this prayer since childhood but never has it hit me with such an impact.  "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name."  It is really the next phrase that I have been chewing on, "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven."  For so long I assumed it was God's will for us to adopt these girls.  I envisioned their future.  I imagined walking them down the aisle at their wedding.  I could hear the conversations we would speak about this period of our lives and me telling them, "you were worth it!"  We will never get to do any of those things.  They will never know the hell we went through for them.  They will never get to grow up in our home.  That is devastating.  But then I come back to that phrase, "Thy will be done."  That is what it really comes down to.  For years we prayed for God's will to be done.  It just never occurred to me that His will wouldn't be my will.  How foolish of me to even be so presumptuous.  As a Christian, it is I who am supposed to submit.  While I knew His ways are not our ways nor His thoughts our thoughts it really brought me to an impasse.  I had a choice; would I choose to walk by faith through the pain, or would I become bitter and grumble against God.  While I imagined myself getting bitter and blaming God for our circumstance, I came to realize that I needed to praise Him for the time we had.  Those girls changed our lives forever.  Rather than grumble about all of the things we won't be able to do with them, I should rejoice in what we did get to do.  Cyniya, who had never known a father, (though she had a wonderful grandfather) learned how to function within a family.  Caitlyn knew love from 7 weeks after her birth.  The girls were safe in our home and didn't experience the trauma that many children within the system experience.  There were so many times of happiness and reasons to celebrate.  We finally got Cyniya to open up and be able to verbalize her feelings.  While we will never see the fruit of our labor, we have to walk by faith and trust that the God who created them is far more qualified to care for them.  He knew them in their mother's womb.  He knew them at birth, and at every moment of their existence.  He loves them far more that we ever could.  He will care for them.  We continually pray for them and their new family.

As a close, while I am far from a poet, I would like to share some lyrics adapted from a song by Mindi Diskstein.  

Days of Plenty

We never dreamed of this sorrow,

We never thought we'd have reason to lament,

We hoped we'd never know heartbreak,

How we wish we could change the way things went!

We wanted nothing but goodness,

We wanted reason to prevail, 

Not this bare emptiness. 

We wanted Days of Plenty.

But we refuse to feel tragic,

We are aching for more than pain and grief.

There has got to be meaning,

Most of all when our time has been so brief. 

We have got to learn something,

How can we give them any less?

We want life to go on. 

We want Days of Plenty!

We have to believe

There is reason for hope. 

We have to believe

That the answers will come. 

We can't let this defeat us,

We won't let this defeat us. 

We must fight to keep them there 

Within us!

So believe that they matter

And believe that they always will!

They will always be with us,

They'll be part of the days we've yet to fill!

They will live in our bounty; 

They will live as we carry on our lives!

So carry on, full of hope, 

They'll be there, 

For all our Days of Plenty!

Goodbye our dear, sweet Cyniya and Caitlyn.  We will love you till the end of our days.  The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away...Blessed be the name of the Lord!!

Contentment in the chaos

Today is a pretty special day.  Today, my oldest son turned 9 years old.  We reminisced about the day he was born.  I told him, again, about the events of that day and that he came 4 weeks earlier than we expected.  We looked at some pictures again and laughed and I admit I teared up a bit.  I realized that 9 years of his life have vanished.  Where have they gone?  It seems as only yesterday that he was but a preemie being swallowed by a onesie that was supposed to be for preemies.  It seemed like just a moment ago that I met him for the first time with his swollen features and curly red hair.  For those that know my son now, he is tall, blonde haired and blue eyed.  He is the best looking 9 year old I have ever known.  God took the best of both my wife and me and blended it to make this wonderful young man I see before me today.  What a privilege to be his dad.  Though sometimes I fail miserably at that job, he never gives up on me.  He never ceases to give his forgiveness when I ask for it.  He always has a hug to offer.  He has an amazing heart.  He is kind and very sensitive.  I mean that in the best way possible.  What a miracle!!

We also got to share the afternoon with some dear friends that we hadn't seen in a while.  It never ceases to amaze me but the definition of a good friend is someone who you may not see for a while and when you do get together it is as if you have never been apart.  These were our former neighbors.  What is amazing is how that friendship that appeared to happen by chance really has been a perfectly divinely planned friendship.  We lived next to them for 3 years at a time in our life where God was doing a lot of building.  I was changing careers, we had a roommate and one child when we moved in.  Shortly thereafter, Corban was born.  So 3 adults, 2 children and a dog shared 1,140 square feet.  It was tight!!  But in that, we got to begin a relationship with a wonderful family.  Colin and their son quickly became friends being they were close to the same age.  We became friends with the parents as well.  At the time, I didn't realize how much of an impact we might have on each other's lives.  When we met, they professed to be Jehovah's Witness; or at least the wife did.  We began to pray for them and for the family.  God opened opportunities for Lauren to minister to her.  The husband and I commuted part way to work together.  After 6 years, the wife has left the Jehovah's Witness faith and they are now looking for a Christian church to attend.  It was wonderful to catch up with them today.  We can't always see what God is doing behind the scenes but it is so wonderful to see Him at work.

So now, to the point of my post.  I wanted to share our evening routine.  By the end of it we are exhausted.  After a short time of swimming after our friends left, we began the "get ready for school tomorrow ritual.  Everyone has to take a bath.  I bathed to the two little ones while my wife took care of assisting our oldest daughter.  The boys are pretty self sufficient at this point, though my younger son (6 yrs old) still needs some help making sure he washed out all the shampoo.  Like I said, my task was to bathe Caitlyn and Christyana.  Now I must mention that neither of these girls has straight hair. So part of the bathing is detangling of the hair.  After two days at a watermark (we went to Schlitterbahn for Colin's birthday) and an evening of swimming in a saltwater pool...lets just say I have seen less tangled tumbleweed.  We managed to make it through bath time.  Though at the end, I must say, I felt like I had just run a 5K.  The trick is getting one to sit down while the other gets bathed and detangled.  Giving the bath is the easier part of the ritual.  Next comes the routine of putting a night time diaper on them both and applying the lotion.  Now since one of these girls is fully African American and the other one half African American, this is a very important step and shouldn't be skipped.  So, again, trying to keep one occupied while you apply a nice lather of lotion can be a bit of a challenge.  Of course, they want to "help."  I finish putting lotion and pajamas on one only to find the other one has taken the task of applying lotion on herself into her own hands.  Fortunately, lotion soaks in.  After we have lotioned and put in pajamas comes the daunting task of setting their hair.  I started with the younger of the two, who is 2 years old.  Getting her to sit still is a task all by itself.  Then, as if accomplishing that wasn't enough, I was foolish enough to think I should part their hair and do 4 braids.  (yes, I am a dad and can braid).  Have you ever tried to part curly hair on a two year old.  Well, the first attempt looked a bit like a job completed by Helen Keller.  When in doubt...add more oil.  So after a 2nd heap of coconut oil in my hands, I tried again.  Much more successful this time around, I finally got the part straight, though it really took another try or two.  One part down; now the 2nd part.  I knew it was pushing my luck to try another one.  But I took a deep breath and braved it.  The trick is for the head to resemble a cross when looking down from above.  The is close to impossible to do well.  But I was determined.  I should mention that while I was working on taming the hair of the shrew, I looked over and my 3 year old had taken it upon herself to play 5,000 rubber band pickup.  I asked her for two rubber bands (after all you can never trust just one of these temperamental things).  She handed me a handful...not quite what I had in mind, but at least she was trying to be obedient.  Trying to hold the section of hair in place while my 2 year old proves she has ants in her pants and trying to get the two rubber bands around three of my fingers so I could put them in her hair ended by me snapping one of the rubber bands (I still don't know where it landed) and asking my three year old for one more rubber band (to which, yes you guessed it, another handful).  Finally got the four sections of hair in place and banded.  Now the task of braiding them.  (sigh)  By this time, I was down right crotchety, while still trying to be encouraging.  I managed to get all four sections braided and banded in place.  Whew!!  Then I had to repeat the process with the 3 year old.  Except the 3 year old, has a tender head.  I plunged forward with fierce determination.  This time around, the 2 year old decided it was a great idea to not only dump the rubber bands and then mess them up with her hands.  So these rubber bands covered an area of about 3 feet square.  She is fairly efficient in the mess department...she is 2.  She was actually cute about it.  She kept saying "It's ok Nonna (she can't say Christyana), almost done."  This whole ritual took about 45 minutes.  At the end of it, I felt like Picasso looking at my rather odd looking art.  Then I realized, we hadn't had dinner yet.  My wife ran to the store to get cupcakes for our oldest son's class.  She had baked one cake today and didn't feel up to baking again (understandably).  So, needless to say it was peanut butter and jelly for dinner.  Fortunately, my kids were grateful; after all, we had a big lunch.

So does all of that sound like chaos?  Mind you, this was for just two of our five little ones.  The children finished dinner and I went to tuck the two little ones into bed and I kissed them goodnight.  The 2 year old said, "Read back and forth."  I have made it a point to read her the book I Love You Forever each night for the last month or so.  It has made an impression.  That is the only book she asks for by name.  But I told her it was late; she smiled and said, "OK, Daddy."  This is the same child who not long ago would throw a tantrum at the drop of a hat.  She wrapped both hands around my neck and said, "Daddy pay (she can't say pray) with me."  So I prayed with her and gave her a big hug and a kiss...we have our rituals.  I then went and prayed with my 3 year old and told her what a blessing she was to our family.  She giggled and I gave her a kiss goodnight.  I then came downstairs and reflected on how much our family has grown and how much I really do enjoy them.  While I get frustrated at times, I can't and don't want to imagine what life would be like without them...without the chaos that comes with having children.  But you know, I am learning that children are God's blessing.  They drive to our absolute limits to where we don't think we can handle anymore and then we get to our bedtime routine and we quickly forget the headaches of the day.  How blessed we are!!  Children are an heritage, blessed is the man who's quiver is full of them.  Wiser words were never spoken.  I am content.

Happy Birthday, Colin.  You are loved far more than we could ever express.

S'mores!!

It has been a while since our last post.  The last two years have been the hardest of our life.  But, by God's grace, they are over.  We received the judge's decision from our investigation with Residential Childcare Licensing (RCCL).  We won!!  The charges have now been removed and we can finally move forward with the adoption.  I never imagined we would experience this when we agreed to take these two girls into our home.  I guess that is why God doesn't allow us to see the future.  We wouldn't do anything.  The biggest part of adoption is the journey.  Christyana's adoption was a wonderful and beautiful journey but I will have to say, I have grown more during this trial (figuratively and literally).  We still aren't done with this one and anything to could change between now and the end.  But I will say that no matter the outcome, we are a better and stronger family for it.

Lauren has been working so hard in getting the children ready for school (they start Wednesday).  After buying uniforms and 8, yes 8 pairs of shoes (we have 4 kids going to school this year), school supplies (on tax free weekend...she's NUTS!!) we are finally ready.  We have new clothes, new shoes, new supplies, new lunch boxes, new backpacks, new nap mats...I think we are ready for Armageddon.  Ha ha.  Thank God for the uniform closet at the school; this is where you can buy/exchange uniforms with other families at little or no cost.  We literally would have to sell everything we own to afford all brand new ones.  But I digress.  Needless to say, I gave her the weekend off.  I told her to go away, just her, for the weekend to recoup.  So yep, you guessed it, I have all 5 kids to myself.  It amazes me how she does this every day and does it well.  The kids are not bad, don't misunderstand me but they are busy.  Still, we are surviving.  I thought it a great time to make some special memories with the kids.

Our day began a bit different than every other Saturday this summer...I got to sleep in till 8 am.  We have been doing summer sports at the YMCA this summer so usually our Saturday began at 5:30am just to get everyone out the door by 7:30.  So to sleep in till 8 was an unusual treat.  We had breakfast (Eggs and bacon) and then I packed up everyone to go for a little outdoor treat.  It is excruciatingly hot here and while we have a pool, I didn't feel it was the best idea to have 5 little ones in the pool with me being the only adult.  But I knew I needed to choose something wet to do.  So we found a neighborhood park in the Heights that had a little water pad and playground.  A water pad is a small area where water shoots up from the ground from little fountains.  It was a big hit, the kids were safe from drowning and got to play.  I enjoyed watching them enjoy themselves.

I then took them to McDonalds for lunch (let's be honest, I wanted to wear them out playing).  We shared chicken nuggets and french fries.  After breakfast and lunch, it is a miracle my heart didn't stop on the spot.  But hey, we try to keep it simple.  We came home and all took a nap...well the older three didn't really sleep but played quietly in their rooms.  It was a nice break.  Then we watched a family movie once everyone was up.  The littlest ones were a bit fractious for this.  So after dinner, I put them to bed and decided it was a great time to continue our family tradition of s'mores in the fireplace.  So, since we live in Texas, the last thing we want to do is heat up the house in August.  Fortunately, our gas fireplace doesn't put out a ton of heat.  And you get kind of used to the refreshing taste of natural gas flavored burnt marshmallows.  It brought back a flood of memories for me.  This tradition began in our last house.  We had a slightly elevated fireplace.  It was shortly before we got the girls that we had our first indoor campout.  Of course, at that campout, I setup a tent in the living room and everything.  The boys and I read stories and roasted hotdogs and marshmallows in the fireplace.  They had a blast, as did I.  It is way to hot in this state to tent camp (in my humble air conditioned opinion).  Well, when Cyniya came to live with us, this was one of my first good memories with her.  As she finished her first gooey cracker, she looked up at me and with an adorably messy face said, "I yike chockit"  I think I fell in love in that moment (in a parent child sort of way).  Ever since then we have made it a periodic treat.  Mind you it is a carefully choreographed routine of cooking a marshmallow, including catching it on fire (they're best when crispy); pulling it out of the fireplace while trying to avoid setting anyone's hair on fire or filling their hair with a white gooey mess and making sure not to get it everyone but on the cracker smothered in chocolate.  Inevitably a mess ensues.  But in the midst of the mess a memory is made.  That is what matters.  I remember spending the night at my grandparents house and getting to eat a giant bowl of cereal in front of their fireplace atop their enormous floor pillow settled on top of red shag carpet that was older than I was.  My grandparents house was a neat place; I have many memories there.  My grandmother was certainly no decorator.  The home was filled with eccentric tastes and relics from all over the world.  But it was a great place!!

I realized tonight that no matter how crazy life can get (and with 5 children it is downright chaotic sometimes), it is moments like these that I want my children to remember.  When I am gone, I don't want them to remember how well I followed a budget or how much money I made.  I want them to look back and remember the s'mores.  I want them to remember reading stories before bed and wrestling (when they were younger).  You never know when your moments with them will be your last.  I want to make every moment count.  It is far too easy to get weighed down with the cares of the world.  But I miss so much when I do that.  I want to have made an eternal difference, too.  I want them to remember me as a man of faith.  We have grown and changed a lot over the past few months especially.  My prayer is that our children will grow from that as well.  They are worth it.

IT...IS...FINISHED!!!

Has it really been almost a year since my last blog entry.  WOW time flies.  I wish I could say that our adoption of Caitlyn and Cyniya was the purpose of the title...wishful thinking.  Fortunately, it looks as though this leg of that trip is almost done.  But that is a post for another day.

What I am referring to is...THE KITCHEN!!!  Just in time to sell...wait, what?  Yep, you read correctly.  We finished up our kitchen just in time to sell the house.  Before you ask if we are crazy, let me explain.  We changed churches about this time last year.  We enrolled our kids in school about this time last year, too.  Our homeschooling wasn't working well given the season of our family and having two small babies.  So after much thought, we enrolled our kids into a private catholic school as that is where we found space for them mid-year.  We knew we wanted to find a non-Catholic school for the next school year.  We began attending a new church which had a school.  So in August 2013 the kids began their first year at their new school; our church school.  They have done so well there.  We love the staff and the fact that everything is taught in the classical style.  THe teachers have been such a blessing to us and our children.  They love what they do and is shows in their work.

Now that I have given a bit of back story, let me get back to the topic.  We made the difficult decision to sell our house and relocate closer to the church/school.  While I am used to having an hour to an hour and a half commute a day, Lauren was not.  The school was about half way between our home and my work.  However, the traffic made Lauren's commute as long or longer than mine.  We added up all the time she was either in the car, or sitting at the school waiting.  It came to about 5 hours a day.  That's right, I said 5 hours a day.  So even more insane than us selling our house was the thought of staying there and living with that reality.  The babies were suffering from Car Seat rump...kind of like tennis elbow.  They were either in the car or in their crib.  Obviously that is not ideal!!  It was a no brainer to make that decision.  We contacted a realtor from our church and began the process of finishing up all the projects around the house that had been started but not completed.  (Note to self...do ONE project at a time, next time).  By God's grace, we never actually made it to the listing phase.  About a week before we were going to list the house, we got a contract from a friend of ours who found out we were selling our house.  So...for those who know real estate jargon...Days on the Market - 0.  Needless to say it was a mad dash to the finish line to get everything done and moved out prior to closing.  We had 6 weeks or so but that time went fast.  We temporarily moved in with my mother-in-law mainly to keep the kids out of the way while we busted our hump to accomplish the difficult task of moving.  On December 5th, 2013, we signed away the home we had put so much blood, sweat and tears into.  The one consolation was that it went to a wonderful family.

So back to the kitchen...the project was begun back in July 2012.  It was supposed to be a 60-90 day facelift.  Well, if you give a mouse a cookie...  I will try to keep it brief as I have a ton of pictures to share.

So the kitchen already had Quartz counter tops and a tumbled marble backsplash which we wanted to keep.  So that nixed any plan to rearrange the kitchen's footprint with the lower cabinets.  Our initial desire was to turn our 5 ft tall, by 3 ft wide, by 1 ft deep pantry into a real built out pantry with real doors.  So that was task number one...in doing that we had to remove the drop-down ceiling that the upper cabinets were attached to.  The trouble with that is the cabinets were a house of cards.  Once you start removing it, you had to remove all of them as they were all connected and all attached to the drop down ceiling.  THey were not true boxes.  The were shelving with three sides, the wall served as the back.  Since all of our upper cabinets were attached to this drop down ceiling, they all had to go.  We raised the area that was the drop down ceiling up to match the rest of the ceiling.  It was amazing how much that really opened things up.  Next, we pulled out the lighting and put in canned/recessed lighting.  We also relocated the refrigerator which meant we had to move a water line for the water and ice maker in the fridge.  In tearing things out we realized where the oven used to be had a gas line that needed to be dealt with.  So we capped it.  We also capped the original line where the fridge was.  That was all in the first weekend.  I made 42 inch upper cabinets and custom made a cabinet to enclose the fridge and utilize the space above it and around it.  Oh, and we framed out and partially sheet rocked a 8ft x 5ft x 2ft (HxWxD) pantry.  Great improvement at this point.  Now fast forward to the finished product.  When all was said and done, in addition to what is mentioned above we did the following:
-  Replaced the tile flooring
-  Replaced the bottom cabinet facings (boy was that a story...short version, the wood no longer supported the counters so we had to do something as it was rotting.  Thank God for a Hydraulic Jack!!)
-  Replaced all cabinet doors and hardware
-  Installed wainscot in the breakfast area
- Trimmed out all the windows
- Replaced kitchen sink and fixture
- Replaced backsplash.  As we decided on a color scheme (White, blue and grey), the cream colored marble backsplash really didn't go nor did the sink, so we replaced both).

- Unexpected items that we threw in there...2 toilets and redoing all of the plumbing/piping in the house.  Curse Galvanized Steel plumbing!!!!

You can see some of our previous posts for additional pictures.  Due to space, I am going to jump forward to the finished product (Before and After shots).  But before I do that, I must tell a funny story.  Well, it is funny now, but wasn't at the time.  We had a sheet rock guy come in to do some of the finishing touches as the project was dragging and we just needed to get it done.  So we hired him to float the ceiling, finish floating the walls, and paint everything.  He came in and finished the ceiling.  About that time we had a mishap with the upstairs toilet.  It flooded down into the master bedroom.  Well, we got that taken care of which was promptly followed by to additional pinhole leaks in our water lines indicating future problems with the plumbing.  So after we paid to have the ceiling done, we had to tear it up throughout the bottom floor to have all of the piping replaced.  A tidbit of knowledge about that; Plumbers DON'T fix what they tear up.  It isn't included in the quote, so after you pay to have the repairs done, then you have to pay a sheet rock guy to come and fix the damage.  Don't get me started on that...So we paid to have our ceiling done twice.  Fun, huh?!?  I will say, though that the 2nd guy was far better than the first.  

Back to pictures.  I tried to take pictures with all our appliances in there but the kitchen wasn't clean enough until we moved everything out and cleaned the house prior to selling.  ha ha.  But here are some before and after pics of the finished product sans the fridge and all of our dishes, food and table.  

1)  Before

After

2)  Before

After

3)  The breakfast area - Before

After

4) The Pantry - Before (closest to camera on wall next to fridge)

After

Corner for the fridge.

So while it was a long, long, LONG project (16 months), it was a lot of fun and I don't regret taking it on at all.  We look forward to moving into our new home (in two weeks) that is MOVE IN READY!!!  We don't have to do anything to it right away.  Although, knowing us, we will add some personal touches here and there.  And eventually it will need some updating...in the kitchen...LOL.  

We will post pics of the new place once we have moved in.  Really excited to move on to the next chapter...

She's 1...

I have actually intended to post this a couple of days ago.

Last Thursday was a special day in our home.  Our baby, Caitlyn, turned 1 year old.  While I have the best of intentions to write a little note to all of our children on their birthday, it doesn't always happen.  I missed Corban who turned 5 back in December and Cyniya who turned 4 back in September.  But, trying to get back on track, here is a note for Caitlyn...

Dear Caitlyn,

This year has packed quite a punch for you, baby girl.  It has been a year full of change for you.  We weren't there the day you entered this world.  I was actually sitting in a hotel room in Louisville, KY on a business trip.  I remember it as though it were yesterday.  Mommy sent me a test message letting me know you had entered into this life.  Overall you were healthy.  There were just a couple of health concerns that required you to stay in the hospital for about 2 extra weeks.  But in the big picture, that was relatively insignificant.  We found out you were coming not too long before you arrived.  We were already in the process of getting our license so that we could have your older sister placed in our home. Little did we know what that would mean...

Being that you were immediately placed into CPS' care, it took a while for us to meet you for the first time.  At that point, we hadn't even met Cyniya.  It may seem kind of strange to work so hard for someone you haven't even met, but that is the power of love.  Let me be the first to say we were and are thrilled to have you and Cyniya as part of our family.  The prospects of God enlarging our family through adoption, though not completely new were really exciting.  We were just about to finalize with your other sister, Christyana when you were born.  The possibilities were endless and after 3 years of infertility we entered into the realm of adoption by way of Russia.  Little did we know that God had our three precious baby girls for us practically in our own back yard.  It took us preparing ourselves for a special needs little girl on the other side of the world to be ready to receive not one, but three little blessings.  Your brothers were very excited as well.  They asked us for a while when they were going to have more brothers and sisters.  God, in His sovereignty, withheld from the womb so that he could write a special story for our family.

Your story, along with your two sisters' stories are our tangible example of God's love for us.  He has adopted us into His family just as we are trying to adopt you into ours.  He chose us, just as we chose you (and He chose you for us).  That is incredibly special to us!!

You spent about 5 weeks in a temporary foster home.  They really enjoyed having you in their home.  They sent a a book with you that included some pictures.  While I realize you won't remember them, we are eternally grateful to them for taking such good care of you while we finished our licensing process.  I remember the day you arrived at our home and blogged about it here in the post "The Day You Came..."

It has been quite an adjustment to have two babies.  We only had Christyana for about 7 months prior to getting you.  I don't remember too many details due to the natural chaos of having two infants, not to mention three other children.

This year has taken us on a journey we never expected and weren't prepared for but what has remained constant is our love for you.  We fought to get you back when they took you away.  We are still in that fight to keep you and clear our name.  But we serve a might God and He will work out the details according to His ultimate plan.

I met your birthmother for the first time last Wednesday at court.  She loved you (and always will.)  She chose life for you and loved you enough to find a home that could love you in the ways she desired but couldn't do.  Rest assured, she is doing well now and I look forward to the time when you can meet her again as a new person.

It is incredible how much you have grown.  You came to us will little hair and now you have a beautiful head of curly brown hair.  You have the most precious eyes and your face lights up like a Christmas tree when you smile.  I love that smile!!  You are such a happy baby.  Even when you are getting your twice daily breathing treatments it is like a game to you and you seem content.  You have a powerful set of vocal chords too... :)  It is so evident that you adore your family.  You are such a special girl!  Our life wouldn't be complete without you.  Oh...and by the way...your family adores you too!

I pray that this year see the completion of the adoption.  I pray that God grows us all in love for Him and for each other.  I pray that He transforms your mom and me into the parents He desires for you.  You have impacted us so greatly that we can't even remember life before you.  You may not have been physically born to us but you are ours nevertheless.  We are grateful to have you and look forward to all that God has for you and who you will become through His craftsmanship.  You are a treasure, baby girl...WE LOVE YOU!!!

Giving Thanks with a grateful heart...

It has been over a month since our last post.  There is good reason for this but I won't delve into it.  The last 60 days have been challenging at best.  For those closest to us they know a portion of what our last two months has included.  For those (if any) who are reading for the first time and don't really know us, I am not at liberty to fully disclose at this time.  Just trust me when I say it has been eventful.

As this holiday draws near I have been pondering what new meaning it will hold for us this year.  I have seen many on Facebook post something each day they are thankful for.  While I considered it, I have chosen to make my Thanksgiving thoughts to myself until now.  That is certainly not to say that I am not thankful for anything.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I guess the challenging last two months have been teaching me that I should always be grateful and thankful not just when our society chooses to focus on it.  Though, I must admit, thankfulness cannot truly be understood apart from the Gospel.  I will get into that in a moment.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, the goal of my blog is first and foremost to provide a Godly legacy of wisdom we have gained on our faith walk for our children.  It has been my hope that they would glean knowledge from our experiences.  In doing so, I want our lives to glorify our Creator and serve as a testimony to his unfailing love, mercy and grace.  The world around us is busy at work eliminating God from their lives in many facets.  It is my hope that we can do just the opposite with our children.

The last two months have sent us on quite an emotional and spiritual roller coaster.  It has caused me at many points to question my own faith.  Don't misunderstand me, I am not questioning God, merely questioning the strength of my belief in Him.  These events have taken me to some of the darkest places I have ever been.  I, like many, have the head knowledge of scripture and have full belief in the sufficiency of the Word of God.  Putting that into practice, well, therein lies my challenge.  Like many, applying the principles of God's word can be difficult; putting faith to my feet.  Before anyone begins to recommend a laundry list of books I "need" to read, let me save you the effort.  The only book that can help me with this is the Holy Bible.  It needs no companion and needs no dumbing down.  It is complete all by itself (not to say a commentary can't be useful).

In my time over the last month or so of spending time reading and praying, I have done some pretty dumb things.  I have been bold (or rather foolish) enough to ask God, "Why?"  I have questioned his perfect and sovereign will.  I have argued that I don't deserve what is happening...sound familiar?  I have often bemoaned our current circumstance and tried to rationalize how we are the "victim" in this. Truthfully, nothing could be further from the truth.  We signed up for this; we invited our current circumstance in a way by choosing to become Foster Parents.  No one held a gun to our head to do this.  It was not a requirement by anyone other than us.  We freely chose this path.  Did we choose the twist it has taken, absolutely not!  It has brought me to the question..."Is God still in control?"  The answer, "YES!"  He is in control and while I don't believe he caused this to happen, he knew it would.  He also had a plan already put together to handle it.  While we still await the results of His plan, we have to trust scripture when it tells us that he will work all things together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.  He is most concerned with bringing glory to himself, as he should be.  All of this will be for our ultimate good (though admittedly I can't see how just yet).

In college I, like many, worked through the Biblestudy Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby.  I don't remember everything from it but I do remember the part where he addresses the Crisis of Belief.  I don't recall all of the context of this study point but I can't see how it would be any more appropriate than right now.  This experience has brought me specifically to a Crisis of Belief.  Do I believe God or not?  Do I believe that He is who He says He is or not?  Will I walk by faith and not by sight or backslide?  Will I allow the darts of despair to penetrate my knowledge of God's word or will I arm myself with the helmet of Salvation to protect my mind and the belt of truth to hold together the breastplate of righteousness, the feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, and the sword of the Spirit.  We do not battle CPS, though it may seem that way.  We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against powers, principalities and the rulers of darkness of this world.  What is at work here is clearly deeper than the physical world.  It is this reason that I will tie in the title of the post.

How does this have anything to do with giving thanks with a grateful heart?  Let's start with the obvious.  I am so thankful that we have our girls back in our home and that we have all 5 of our children under one roof.  That was a gift.  God moved the judges heart in our favor with compassion.  I am thankful I have a loving wife who can walk through this with me.  I couldn't handle this alone.  I am thankful for all of our children and that God has shown me a glimpse of their worth.  I am thankful most of all for God and his Word.  His word is filled with words of truth and the promise of his Glory and Sovereignty for those that believe in Him.  I am not talking about health, wealth and happiness...to my knowledge those scriptures don't exist.  I am talking about that though we may go through persecution on this earth for His sake, it is nothing in comparison to the fact that he gave His Son for us.  Here I have been worried about losing two of our children and having our name tarnished for the rest of our lives.  That pales in comparison to a God who chose to give up His only begotten Son for those who believe.  He had no sin, he didn't break any rules.  He was here about the Father's business and for that reason he was despised and rejected by men.  He was hung on a cross to die and serve as the ultimate sacrifice for sin.  Without that, there would truly be no hope for any of us as none of us is righteous enough to stand before God as judge without Christ having paid the penalty for our sin.  He is the way, the truth & the life; No one comes to the Father but through the Son.  While our current circumstance seems hopeless at times, when compared to eternity, it really is of small significance.  Understand, it is still extremely serious, but it has no bearing on our eternity.  It is so easy to forget to view this with eternal perspective.

I don't know how all of this will pan out.  That can be extremely frightening for a control freak like myself.  But I pray it can be cleared up fairly quickly so as to avoid the pain of the next step should it not go well.  I can't guarantee we won't need to walk through fire just to keep our family together.  Compared to the suffering of Christ, it seems pretty insignificant.  I just pray God can give us the eternal, panoramic, bird's eye view instead of of the cropped, high definition, untouched up view.  I pray God will enable us to enter into His gates with thanksgiving and enter His courts with praise...no matter the outcome.

Grace and [continuing to pray for] peace, Soli deo Gloria.