I don't know how to say anything in just a few words, so go ahead and get a snack and a drink...you'll need it. :oP It's hard to believe it has been over a month since the last post. Why is it that life seems to move so fast? We continue to fall in love with our new baby girl and feel so blessed that He chose us to raise her.
I must admit it is difficult to find time to sit and journal/blog. I am a fairly open person in that when I do write, I am not afraid bear parts of me that I would otherwise keep hidden from view. In my 34 years have become quite skilled at putting my best foot forward even if what lay just beneath the surface was anything but held together and peaceful. I say that only to incriminate myself by failing to be transparent to those closest to me. Growing up a musician/performer taught me that it was all about what is seen or heard not about the nerves that hold it all together. Having that background in most cases has been a benefit. Setting all pretense aside, let's talk frankly.
A thought occurred to me today. We were watching an episode of "19 Kids and Counting" on TLC that had been recorded. Let me begin by saying the Duggar family is a family we greatly admire and who God really used to put us on the path we are currently traveling. We homeschool, we now do family worship, albeit not as consistently as it should be, we are often accused of "sheltering" our children, we desire for a large family (leaving it entirely in God's hands, of course) and we desire, greatly, to instill in our children Godly character and a desire for God's word. While this was not an attempt to become this family, I say "God used them," loosely. He had already begun this work in our family before we knew of them.
So back to the episode, it followed them on their trip to a homeschool conference. We also attended that same conference. We attended for the first time two years ago. Our children were still a little young for school but we were headed that direction. We knew we wanted a God based, character rich curriculum. So we attended the conference. During the conference the children, depending on their age, have several options as it isn't realistic for children to sit through "lectures" (to them, and inspirational breakout sessions for the adults) 8 hours a day. While it was everything but mundane for me, for my sons it was a major...ZZZZZ. I wasn't able to go this year but look forward to next year's conference. One of the choices for 8 yrs old and up is called Alert Cadet. For those that have never heard of it, don't worry, neither had I prior to attending the conference. It is similar to the Boy Scouts, with a slightly different twist. The Bible is its base. It is the desire of this organization to "...Turn the hearts of fathers to their sons and the hears of sons to their fathers..." This was the part that intrigued me the most.
Over the last few months I have felt a distance forming specifically between my oldest son (6 yrs old) and me. He is the one I am hardest on when it comes to correction and often the one with whom I am the least patient. I admit that knowing that I am at fault. It breaks my heart to imagine seeing things through his eyes. Every time I replay our encounters in my mind, it brings me often to tears at how I responded and treated what is supposed to be an arrow in my quiver and as Psalm 127 puts it, "a heritage from the Lord,"and, "...a reward." I frequently have to humble myself before him and ask his forgiveness. Through God's mercy he always does. As we watched the episode I asked my son if he was excited about Alert. His response was unexpected... "sort of." At first thought I had a flashback to my days in boy scouts. It was not a good experience for me. I was an outcast, at best. I was different than the other boys in that I was not interested in the outdoors at all. This caused tremendous difficulty for me growing up. It has been my desire to spare both of my boys that pain.
So in part to begin turning this around, on my vacation week this week, I planned a campout for me and both boys individually. It was a bit cold out (in the 30's-40's) so the outdoor campout turned into an indoor campout. We cleared out the dining room and setup a tent. We then proceeded to roast hotdogs on the fireplace and have a wonderful time of connection and fellowship. I really enjoyed the one on one time I was able to spend with my oldest. On one hand, I was a little disappointed in myself that it took 6 years for me to plan something like that. We were able to laugh and talk and connect in a way that we haven't before. I was able to talk with him about the Alert and find out why he wasn't too excited about it. As it turns out it was centered around fear. Isn't that a testimony for all of us. How much of what we feel is centered around fear? I don't know about you, but for me, it is far too much. On the other hand, it gave me a list of items that we HAVE to do together!! It will greatly take me out of my comfort zone as well...rock climbing walls, walking a zip-line, doing outdoorsy stuff. For those that know me, that isn't my forte however, for the sake of my son and our relationship I am going to dive in head first. It is worth it for me.
After we we finished our hot dogs and s'mores, we sat together and began our first adventure novel by flashlight. There was nothing wrong with our power but if we were going to camp then electricity couldn't provide illumination. Treasure Island...while we didn't make it very far into the first chapter, we enjoyed the time together. My son got the giggles with "fifteen men on a dead man's chest, Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum..." It gave us a time to do something he really enjoys which is reading. What a wonderful evening. After a while we crashed in the tent to the sweet sleep of knowing we connected.
This idea of turning the father's heart to the children and the children to the father...fascinating. I don't think I have had that much fun in a long time, especially with my son. My prayer is that this will be only the beginning. God is an amazing author. It is my hope that in these times to come, my son and I will not only grow together as father and son but that the Gospel might grow us together as brothers. I pray for the hearts of my children daily, asking that God will open their hearts to Him and will have mercy and bring them to repentance. I pray the same prayer of repentance for myself. He has given us such a wondrous gift in our children...may we not waste it!!!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Walking in faith
We are still reeling from all that has happened in the last week and a half. Falling in love with our baby girl more and more every day.
We had her followup appointment with the Pediatric Neurosurgeon today at Texas Children's Hospital. As I mentioned in my last post, Christyana was born with Hydrocephalus. Don't worry, I didn't know what that was either. It is the buildup of fluid inside the skull leading to brain swelling. It is caused by a problem with the flow of cerebrospinal fluid. This fluid brings nutrients to the brain and flushes out waste from the brain while also acting as a cushion. The fluid typically moves through openings called ventricles and then is reabsorbed into the bloodstream. Because she was born with a ventricle bleed on the brain, the blood clot essentially blocked one of these ventricles so there was nowhere for the spinal fluid to go. So the fluid collects and puts pressure on the brain which can lead to various levels of brain damage. The most common treatment is to have a shunt placed in the head that acts as a drain and carries the excess brain fluid to another area of the body to be absorbed. In Christyana's case they installed a shunt which carries the fluid through a tube to her abdominal area (not the stomach, though) where it is reabsorbed into the body.
So that is all I am going to say about the scientific/medical mumbo jumbo. In researching this condition, we have found that the prognosis varies. It is pretty much a roll of the dice if you speak to the medical profession...
Here are my thoughts on that...First, I serve an amazing God. He knew this little girl before she was conceived. He knew every moment of that pregnancy. He knew right when her brain would begin to bleed and her head fill with fluid. He knew that modern medicine could be a tool he would use to spare this little girl's life. He knew the exact moment he would place her in a home and who her parents would be. He already knows every moment of her life. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. I don't, for a moment, believe that He has done all of this so that she would merely be a statistic or a simple case study. She was created for a purpose. She was created to bring honor and glory to her Creator.
As new parents (well sort of new, we have two other children) it would be so easy to hear the medical song and dance and be very downtrodden. It is so easy to be distracted by the waves as Peter was. It is easy to become hopeless. Praise God, He is far more mighty than I. He, who spoke the world into being, can handle this. He can handle and equip us to handle any challenge that comes of this. We can rest in the knowledge that God is Sovereign. It is in that Sovereignty that we can have peace.
So one doctor's appointment down...a lifetime to go...
Soli Deo Gloria!!!
We had her followup appointment with the Pediatric Neurosurgeon today at Texas Children's Hospital. As I mentioned in my last post, Christyana was born with Hydrocephalus. Don't worry, I didn't know what that was either. It is the buildup of fluid inside the skull leading to brain swelling. It is caused by a problem with the flow of cerebrospinal fluid. This fluid brings nutrients to the brain and flushes out waste from the brain while also acting as a cushion. The fluid typically moves through openings called ventricles and then is reabsorbed into the bloodstream. Because she was born with a ventricle bleed on the brain, the blood clot essentially blocked one of these ventricles so there was nowhere for the spinal fluid to go. So the fluid collects and puts pressure on the brain which can lead to various levels of brain damage. The most common treatment is to have a shunt placed in the head that acts as a drain and carries the excess brain fluid to another area of the body to be absorbed. In Christyana's case they installed a shunt which carries the fluid through a tube to her abdominal area (not the stomach, though) where it is reabsorbed into the body.
So that is all I am going to say about the scientific/medical mumbo jumbo. In researching this condition, we have found that the prognosis varies. It is pretty much a roll of the dice if you speak to the medical profession...
Here are my thoughts on that...First, I serve an amazing God. He knew this little girl before she was conceived. He knew every moment of that pregnancy. He knew right when her brain would begin to bleed and her head fill with fluid. He knew that modern medicine could be a tool he would use to spare this little girl's life. He knew the exact moment he would place her in a home and who her parents would be. He already knows every moment of her life. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. I don't, for a moment, believe that He has done all of this so that she would merely be a statistic or a simple case study. She was created for a purpose. She was created to bring honor and glory to her Creator.
As new parents (well sort of new, we have two other children) it would be so easy to hear the medical song and dance and be very downtrodden. It is so easy to be distracted by the waves as Peter was. It is easy to become hopeless. Praise God, He is far more mighty than I. He, who spoke the world into being, can handle this. He can handle and equip us to handle any challenge that comes of this. We can rest in the knowledge that God is Sovereign. It is in that Sovereignty that we can have peace.
So one doctor's appointment down...a lifetime to go...
Soli Deo Gloria!!!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Adoption...a glimpse of the Gospel
Well it has been nearly a week since I created this blog. We had another blog (www.ahomeforchristyana.blogspot.com) that we began as a family last December. This entry is a bit long but I hope you will take the time to read it.
Where to start....we began blogging as a family in effort to share our adoption journey with anyone who wanted to follow along. My wife and I made the decision to pursue an adoption December 6, 2010. Adoption was something that was always on the horizon and on our minds. But truth be told, the cost concerned me. For about a year I was known to drag my feet on it. You may ask, "Why adoption?" There are many answers to that. First, my wife and I have two beautiful boys that God has blessed us with. They have been the apples of our eye for the last 6 years. It is hard to believe how quickly time has passed. We have been married for almost 9 years. When we found out we were expecting our first son, we were ecstatic. Poor as could be but ecstatic. We catalogued that journey every step of the way. If you have children, I am sure you can appreciate that. At the time, we never dreamed that having children would be difficult for us. 27 months later, we found out we were expecting our second son. I am ashamed to admit it but we were less than pleased...something for which we have repented. At the time we were of the mindset of the world around us that says you must be able to "afford" children before you "plan" a pregnancy. I always chuckle to myself when I hear it put that way almost as if we could plan it. But I digress... At the time, we could barely afford one child with daycare and all the nonsense that went along with that. With the coming [blessing] of another birth, we were faced with an odd but not all too uncommon predicament. At the time, both my wife and I worked full time. We reached the divine pinnacle moment in every parents' lives that looks you straight in the eye to ask, "Are you going to walk by faith, or by sight?" As God planned the circumstances beautifully, against our own wills we made the decision for Lauren to quit working. I found a 2nd job as a worship leader (which is kind of unusual considering my own salvation was questionable) and we proceeded to, in our own, mind make ends meet. Of course, now, looking back at things. God knew exactly what he was doing. While we sold a home and experienced what we considered a financial meltdown, God easily laid the groundwork for his plan.
From the time our youngest son was about 6 months, we were in a very different place as a family. We desired to grow in number adopting the life message of Psalm 127 and seeing children as a blessing. We wanted to "fill our quiver with arrows." While meeting criticism from some, that was our desire, so we began to pursue it. God in His Sovereign wisdom has taken us through 3 and half year period of infertility. After praying through this and discussing it, we decided to look into adoption. In December of last year, through a dear family friend, we began this process. When I say process I mean "PROCESS!!!" God spoke to our hearts through a Godly friend about opening our hearts to a special needs child. I am ashamed to admit it but I was against it initially. I, like so many, had the dream of a perfect little blonde haired blue eyed family. For those that know me, I am neither blonde haired nor blue eyed, however my wife is. Both of our boys are blondish. At the time, I couldn't imagine opening my home, let alone, my heart to child that was "different." (Another item for which I have repented...several times). Long story short, God put us on the path toward adopting a little girl from Russia who was special needs. I can definitely say with confidence from the moment I saw her picture I was in love. She just so happened to be blonde haired and blue eyed but by most standards of the world she was not wanted by anyone. As part of the adoption process we had to do extensive research on her condition and through that God opened our heart to her even more. (see our former blog to follow that journey). Over the course of 9 months that followed, we experienced joy, heartache, pain, and loss. I won't go too much into it due to space but never have I experienced anything quite like it. After delays, and triumphs and finally getting our paperwork to our agency, we discovered that this little girl we had pursued for almost 9 months was no longer available. To put that into perspective, it was as if we had carried a baby to term and then had a stillbirth. We labored for 9 months to try and bring this little girl home and were completely devastated when it didn't work out how we expected. We grieved deeply for the loss. On one hand, we wanted to rejoice that another family had opened their heart and home to her but, being selfish, we couldn't really see past our own grief. We (in our own foolishness) questioned God. We asked, "Why did you put us through this? We thought we were following you." I can't speak for Lauren but I went through the cycle of disbelief, depression, anger and acceptance. This repeated itself for almost a month. The thought of starting over in the adoption process was unbearable. We knew we didn't want to continue through Russia. Part of it was a sour grapes attitude, but once that passed, there was a part of us that wanted to go a completely different direction. We saw Russia to its completion in our mind. Much to the disappointment of our agency, we withdrew our application for adoption. They were very kind and compassionate even through all of this. We updated our homestudy for domestic adoption though the wind in our sail was completely gone. My wife and I had agreed we would tackle our own fertility challenges in preparation for another adoption. We left things with our social worker that if she found a birth mother, give us a call. Since she doesn't work with birth mothers often, we didn't expect anything to come of it.
Fast forward to September 14, 2011. It started out like any normal Wednesday. I went to work to complete a task list that was much longer than humanly possible (what can I say, I am optimistic about my time.) My wife, thinking our challenges with fertility were finally over, thought we might be pregnant. She proceeded to take a test...negative. This was devastating for her. For anyone that has walked this path, they can understand the disappointment. About an hour later she received a phone call from our social worker. After that conversation, she quickly called me at work. She asked how my day was going I told her, "Frustrating." She asked if she could cheer it up a little. Doubting it was possible, I gave her the opportunity. Our social worker called Lauren because she had a birth mother who was putting their baby up for adoption. Not wanting to get to attached to the idea, I was "ho-hum" about the idea and gave my support to get more information. Inside, I was excited, anxious, everything but "ho-hum." We discussed what little details we had at that point. The birth mother actually gave birth at 26 weeks gestation on June 1st. The baby had been in NICU since and was ready to be released that week. First thought that popped into my mind is "wait this is all happening too fast." (That always makes me nervous). I came home for lunch (as I do most days) and we frantically tried to put together a "Dear Birthmother" letter assuming it would be given to the birthmother in the next few days. I went back to work but mind couldn't focus. We discussed with our social worker meeting the birthmother and tentatively discussed going the next day. About an hour or so later, our social worker called back and said she was going to head down to the hospital, the birthmother was going to be there and they were discharging the baby that same day and "if we wanted her we needed to meet her there." My wife called me back at work. We had to make a decision quickly, within minutes. With a little hesitation I agreed to go to the hospital to meet with the birth mother. We were told the baby had a medical concern though we didn't really have a lot of details. Not that it would have changed my mind, but I wanted to know exactly what we were getting into. I left work and we dropped the boys off at Nana's house with great anticipation. On the way to the hospital we picked up a car-seat, though I am not entirely sure we understood what was happening and that we were going to be bringing home a little girl that same day. We got to the hospital and met the birthmother. For anyone who has gone through an adoption you will understand what that first meeting is like. She was very kind but understandably it was awkward. Fast forward a few hours and we were leaving Texas Children's hospital with our daughter. All of this in just under 12 hours from the moment we first got the call until we took her home. It was almost as if we went into labor but didn't know we were pregnant.
I share all of this to really highlight the awesome work of God. I tread carefully because I don't want to give the impression that following Christ is an easy road and will always bring "prosperity and good fortune." We are never guaranteed that. However, let me backtrack a bit. 9 months ago we began preparing for her. While the face was not the same, the foundation was being laid in our hearts to open our home to our little girl. God perfectly orchestrated things so that when we needed to jump, we were ready. Had our paperwork processed any faster or our travel to Russia happened on our timeline, we would have missed being a part of such a tremendous testimony of God's faithfulness. This baby girl was fighting for her life and while we knew nothing about her, God was preparing us for her. Through His awesome sovereignty he spared her life. Through his amazing craftsmanship, he knit her together in her mother's womb. We have deduced that the reason the mother went into labor when she did was that the baby had a ventricle bleed on the brain which caused fluid to build. Fortunately they were able to catch the fluid and relieve the pressure pretty quickly. God, being the Master Physician, made every part of our baby's body work together so that she would grow and heal. As we visited with the birth mother she shared the meaning behind the baby's given name. It was then that we discovered that our baby would have grown up in a Muslim home. For us, being Christians, that has significant meaning. She could have lived her entire life without hearing the Gospel. I am so completely and utterly humbled by God's Divine hand on this little girl's life already. He has given us a tremendous opportunity to be a part of His plan. In our home, not only will her physical needs be met but we will be given the chance to point her to the God who can meet her spiritual needs as well. It is not in our own power that she can be saved but only by the God who knit her together, brought her into this world and kept her in the palm of His hand.
Since we began this journey almost a year ago, everyone told us that Adoption is a "glimpse of the Gospel in action." I don't think I really understood that until now. In theory it made sense. However, seeing it in action, really brought it home, if you'll excuse the pun. He chose us for her family. He chose to place her in our home. We did nothing to make this happen except respond. However we couldn't have responded had he first not opened our heart. Much like the Gospel, he chooses us. All we can do is respond. Irresistible Grace...there is no logical way to explain it. However, we can't respond until first our eyes are opened. Only a Divine and Sovereign God could remove the scales from our eyes to see us in our own wretchedness. We are blind and dead to Him without his intervention. He has written His story on this little girl, we are merely unexpecting participants. He plucked her out for His purpose where he would receive ALL of the glory. We are humbled by His grace.
And so we begin a most amazing journey...again...
Where to start....we began blogging as a family in effort to share our adoption journey with anyone who wanted to follow along. My wife and I made the decision to pursue an adoption December 6, 2010. Adoption was something that was always on the horizon and on our minds. But truth be told, the cost concerned me. For about a year I was known to drag my feet on it. You may ask, "Why adoption?" There are many answers to that. First, my wife and I have two beautiful boys that God has blessed us with. They have been the apples of our eye for the last 6 years. It is hard to believe how quickly time has passed. We have been married for almost 9 years. When we found out we were expecting our first son, we were ecstatic. Poor as could be but ecstatic. We catalogued that journey every step of the way. If you have children, I am sure you can appreciate that. At the time, we never dreamed that having children would be difficult for us. 27 months later, we found out we were expecting our second son. I am ashamed to admit it but we were less than pleased...something for which we have repented. At the time we were of the mindset of the world around us that says you must be able to "afford" children before you "plan" a pregnancy. I always chuckle to myself when I hear it put that way almost as if we could plan it. But I digress... At the time, we could barely afford one child with daycare and all the nonsense that went along with that. With the coming [blessing] of another birth, we were faced with an odd but not all too uncommon predicament. At the time, both my wife and I worked full time. We reached the divine pinnacle moment in every parents' lives that looks you straight in the eye to ask, "Are you going to walk by faith, or by sight?" As God planned the circumstances beautifully, against our own wills we made the decision for Lauren to quit working. I found a 2nd job as a worship leader (which is kind of unusual considering my own salvation was questionable) and we proceeded to, in our own, mind make ends meet. Of course, now, looking back at things. God knew exactly what he was doing. While we sold a home and experienced what we considered a financial meltdown, God easily laid the groundwork for his plan.
From the time our youngest son was about 6 months, we were in a very different place as a family. We desired to grow in number adopting the life message of Psalm 127 and seeing children as a blessing. We wanted to "fill our quiver with arrows." While meeting criticism from some, that was our desire, so we began to pursue it. God in His Sovereign wisdom has taken us through 3 and half year period of infertility. After praying through this and discussing it, we decided to look into adoption. In December of last year, through a dear family friend, we began this process. When I say process I mean "PROCESS!!!" God spoke to our hearts through a Godly friend about opening our hearts to a special needs child. I am ashamed to admit it but I was against it initially. I, like so many, had the dream of a perfect little blonde haired blue eyed family. For those that know me, I am neither blonde haired nor blue eyed, however my wife is. Both of our boys are blondish. At the time, I couldn't imagine opening my home, let alone, my heart to child that was "different." (Another item for which I have repented...several times). Long story short, God put us on the path toward adopting a little girl from Russia who was special needs. I can definitely say with confidence from the moment I saw her picture I was in love. She just so happened to be blonde haired and blue eyed but by most standards of the world she was not wanted by anyone. As part of the adoption process we had to do extensive research on her condition and through that God opened our heart to her even more. (see our former blog to follow that journey). Over the course of 9 months that followed, we experienced joy, heartache, pain, and loss. I won't go too much into it due to space but never have I experienced anything quite like it. After delays, and triumphs and finally getting our paperwork to our agency, we discovered that this little girl we had pursued for almost 9 months was no longer available. To put that into perspective, it was as if we had carried a baby to term and then had a stillbirth. We labored for 9 months to try and bring this little girl home and were completely devastated when it didn't work out how we expected. We grieved deeply for the loss. On one hand, we wanted to rejoice that another family had opened their heart and home to her but, being selfish, we couldn't really see past our own grief. We (in our own foolishness) questioned God. We asked, "Why did you put us through this? We thought we were following you." I can't speak for Lauren but I went through the cycle of disbelief, depression, anger and acceptance. This repeated itself for almost a month. The thought of starting over in the adoption process was unbearable. We knew we didn't want to continue through Russia. Part of it was a sour grapes attitude, but once that passed, there was a part of us that wanted to go a completely different direction. We saw Russia to its completion in our mind. Much to the disappointment of our agency, we withdrew our application for adoption. They were very kind and compassionate even through all of this. We updated our homestudy for domestic adoption though the wind in our sail was completely gone. My wife and I had agreed we would tackle our own fertility challenges in preparation for another adoption. We left things with our social worker that if she found a birth mother, give us a call. Since she doesn't work with birth mothers often, we didn't expect anything to come of it.
Fast forward to September 14, 2011. It started out like any normal Wednesday. I went to work to complete a task list that was much longer than humanly possible (what can I say, I am optimistic about my time.) My wife, thinking our challenges with fertility were finally over, thought we might be pregnant. She proceeded to take a test...negative. This was devastating for her. For anyone that has walked this path, they can understand the disappointment. About an hour later she received a phone call from our social worker. After that conversation, she quickly called me at work. She asked how my day was going I told her, "Frustrating." She asked if she could cheer it up a little. Doubting it was possible, I gave her the opportunity. Our social worker called Lauren because she had a birth mother who was putting their baby up for adoption. Not wanting to get to attached to the idea, I was "ho-hum" about the idea and gave my support to get more information. Inside, I was excited, anxious, everything but "ho-hum." We discussed what little details we had at that point. The birth mother actually gave birth at 26 weeks gestation on June 1st. The baby had been in NICU since and was ready to be released that week. First thought that popped into my mind is "wait this is all happening too fast." (That always makes me nervous). I came home for lunch (as I do most days) and we frantically tried to put together a "Dear Birthmother" letter assuming it would be given to the birthmother in the next few days. I went back to work but mind couldn't focus. We discussed with our social worker meeting the birthmother and tentatively discussed going the next day. About an hour or so later, our social worker called back and said she was going to head down to the hospital, the birthmother was going to be there and they were discharging the baby that same day and "if we wanted her we needed to meet her there." My wife called me back at work. We had to make a decision quickly, within minutes. With a little hesitation I agreed to go to the hospital to meet with the birth mother. We were told the baby had a medical concern though we didn't really have a lot of details. Not that it would have changed my mind, but I wanted to know exactly what we were getting into. I left work and we dropped the boys off at Nana's house with great anticipation. On the way to the hospital we picked up a car-seat, though I am not entirely sure we understood what was happening and that we were going to be bringing home a little girl that same day. We got to the hospital and met the birthmother. For anyone who has gone through an adoption you will understand what that first meeting is like. She was very kind but understandably it was awkward. Fast forward a few hours and we were leaving Texas Children's hospital with our daughter. All of this in just under 12 hours from the moment we first got the call until we took her home. It was almost as if we went into labor but didn't know we were pregnant.
I share all of this to really highlight the awesome work of God. I tread carefully because I don't want to give the impression that following Christ is an easy road and will always bring "prosperity and good fortune." We are never guaranteed that. However, let me backtrack a bit. 9 months ago we began preparing for her. While the face was not the same, the foundation was being laid in our hearts to open our home to our little girl. God perfectly orchestrated things so that when we needed to jump, we were ready. Had our paperwork processed any faster or our travel to Russia happened on our timeline, we would have missed being a part of such a tremendous testimony of God's faithfulness. This baby girl was fighting for her life and while we knew nothing about her, God was preparing us for her. Through His awesome sovereignty he spared her life. Through his amazing craftsmanship, he knit her together in her mother's womb. We have deduced that the reason the mother went into labor when she did was that the baby had a ventricle bleed on the brain which caused fluid to build. Fortunately they were able to catch the fluid and relieve the pressure pretty quickly. God, being the Master Physician, made every part of our baby's body work together so that she would grow and heal. As we visited with the birth mother she shared the meaning behind the baby's given name. It was then that we discovered that our baby would have grown up in a Muslim home. For us, being Christians, that has significant meaning. She could have lived her entire life without hearing the Gospel. I am so completely and utterly humbled by God's Divine hand on this little girl's life already. He has given us a tremendous opportunity to be a part of His plan. In our home, not only will her physical needs be met but we will be given the chance to point her to the God who can meet her spiritual needs as well. It is not in our own power that she can be saved but only by the God who knit her together, brought her into this world and kept her in the palm of His hand.
Since we began this journey almost a year ago, everyone told us that Adoption is a "glimpse of the Gospel in action." I don't think I really understood that until now. In theory it made sense. However, seeing it in action, really brought it home, if you'll excuse the pun. He chose us for her family. He chose to place her in our home. We did nothing to make this happen except respond. However we couldn't have responded had he first not opened our heart. Much like the Gospel, he chooses us. All we can do is respond. Irresistible Grace...there is no logical way to explain it. However, we can't respond until first our eyes are opened. Only a Divine and Sovereign God could remove the scales from our eyes to see us in our own wretchedness. We are blind and dead to Him without his intervention. He has written His story on this little girl, we are merely unexpecting participants. He plucked her out for His purpose where he would receive ALL of the glory. We are humbled by His grace.
And so we begin a most amazing journey...again...
Christyana Elizabeth
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