Make the most of every moment

Wow, what a week last week.  Such a blessing to be refreshed and hear the word of God preached with such passion.  We attended our annual homeschool conference last week.  A week of being immersed in preaching.  While it was certainly not relaxing, it was most definitely refreshing.  My soul feels as though it has been rejuvenated.  I feel so spiritually energetic and through God's mercy ready to make some much needed changes in our home and in my own spiritual walk.

Have you ever reached that pinnacle moment when you feel trapped in a direction you don't want to go and you are almost like the hamster going into the cage but feel as though nothing can stop your downward spiral?  Yeah, that was me for the last several months.  I felt as though work had well overstepped its bounds by completely overtaking me distracting me from doing what was vital for my family.  Don't get me wrong, work is important but is not the reason for my existence.  I feel since really mid year last year that it was shifting causing an out of balance in my life.  I could feel it all slipping out of my control.  For an admitted control freak that is terrifying, let me tell you.  I like life to be very ordered and predictable which is kind of funny considering the drastic twists and turns our family has seen in the last 7 months or so.  Our life has been anything but predictable.

Last week gave me a week to just get away with my family and reconnect or recharge my spiritual battery.  I came in to work today with a completely new outlook.  I am grateful as I saw myself slipping into old bad habits with anger and allowing myself to become anxious.  One of the speakers last week provided a quote and I will try to paraphrase it.  Essentially he was challenging us that God placed us exactly where we are.  It is not our job to change our circumstances but rather our job to serve God in our circumstances.  That really stirred me to contemplate that thought.  In my work, I need to remember whom I work for.  It is so easy to get caught up in the chaos of the corporate world.  But really think about it..."Who do you work for?"  Is it my job to please man or is it my job to please my Creator?  This is so contrary to the corporate mindset but it makes so much sense to me now.  If I am working every day for my God, then I will blossom in my job.  That doesn't mean I will necessarily get the next promotion or that huge pay raise come next year but I will be fulfilling my purpose which is to honor God and spread the gospel.  The corporate world is a rather difficult place to share the gospel openly;  especially if you have given into the flesh in one way or another like I have by losing my temper or getting frustrated and saying things I wish I could take back.  Fortunately God is a redeemer!!  I can't change what has happened in the past but I can choose to go in each day with the first item on my agenda to honor God.  Everything else is secondary!

As for our home, I am encouraged to make some changes there as well; one of which is a rather difficult one for me.  I felt convicted by one of the other speakers last week that talked about eliminating distractions.  That stuck with me and I have chewed on it for several days.  That being said, Facebook is a huge distraction for me with my spiritual walk.  It is far easier for me to spend my time on Facebook rather than discipling my family or spending time reading and studying scripture.  So after a few days of earnest thought and confirmation, I will be deactivating my Facebook account.  Again, this is difficult for me as I have enjoyed connecting and reconnecting with many old friends but my mission as a husband and father is first to serve my family.  While many can do both, I cannot, and for me I must eliminate that distraction.  I will still continue to blog for now as that is not something that I have time to do daily.  We still desire to share our life with those interested to read about it.  God is doing some demolition within our family.  This is necessary in order for him to build His temple on a solid foundation.  Lauren and I are committed to do what is best for our marriage and our children.

So for now, it is "Farewell Facebook."  We look forward to sharing our journey with God at the wheel...

The day you came...

Today is a special day!!  We grew our family unofficially by two more feet today.  While we have some time before it will be final (probably not even this year), in our minds and hearts, she's ours.  God only knows what the future holds but for now we rest in his blessing.  If you would have told me a year ago when we were in the middle of the adoption from Russia that our family would look as it does today, I wouldn't have believed you.  In fact, I would has said you are nuts.  8 months ago we were grieving the loss of the little girl an ocean and several continents away in complete dismay over why we were experiencing such loss.  As I mentioned at that time, His ways are higher than ours.  As painful as that was, I wouldn't trade today for a million Dianas (the little girl whose adoption fell through).  I would go through it again in a heart beat to be where we are today.

While we have only known about the precious baby girl whom I held for the first time today for a short period, we are already knitted together as a family.  Our heads are still spinning about how God has worked this out.  We couldn't have planned it.  God can receive all the glory as this has been His doing.  We are so undeserving of such a blessing.  In just a little over two weeks our family will grow again by two more little feet.

But in order to be true to the title of my post, this is supposed to be a letter written to our newest addition.  So here it goes...

Dear Caitlyn,

We only found out about you just a short time ago and yet even still, we fell in love the moment we laid eyes on you.  You were so precious and small.  I know you won't remember this day, but it is burned into my memory, the day you came home.  You don't know what "home" means.  The past 5 weeks you have been loved by a giving and kind foster family while we prepared for you.  They sent a beautiful scrapbook with you.  While we went through the process to be able to bring you home, you were given more love than you can possibly imagine.  We haven't met your foster family yet, but we want to meet them.  We want to express our gratitude to them for their willingness to be your parents even if it was only for a few weeks.  You were their first foster placement.  No doubt you won their heart the moment they laid eyes on you.

Your brothers were so excited to meet you, you have no idea.  For weeks they have asked us when you would come home.  Your older sister, Christyana, doesn't yet understand who you are or why you are here.  But then, she has only been with us 7 months or so.  Little does she know what a blessing God has given her in a sister.  Your older sister Cyniya will be joining us in two weeks.  She hasn't met you either but is also eager to fall in love with you.  She came to dinner last night with your Mimi and Poppi and said it was ok for you be here.  Since she is only 3 herself that is a great encouragement that she thinks you will be loved and cared for here.  She is right!  You have already changed lives.  You changed your foster family's life and you have already changed ours.

The day was pretty hectic for me at work, as most days have been lately.  All I could think about was getting to meet you.  You were on my heart and mind from the moment I woke up.  Your mommy was also eager to meet you; until now you have just been a photograph.  Mimi and Granddaddy were in town also eager to meet you.  Even now, as I write, Mimi is cuddling you on the couch enjoying every minute.  She was here within 24 hours of your big brother Colin's birth.  She was there for Corban's birth.  We attended court this afternoon.  The judge was very kind as were the attorneys.

So now while the reality is still setting in, we watch you in complete awe.  You are beautiful.  You resemble your sister more than I would have expected.  We are not sure what all the future holds.  But we know we serve an amazing God who knit you together in your mother's womb and had held you in the palm of His hand since the moment you were conceived.  He created you for a purpose.  It is our hope that you will grow in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  It is our prayer that God will open your heart to Him and draw you to Himself in repentance and faith.  You will hear the gospel in our home, it is our prayer that God will open your heart to it.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made!!

We love you, dear sweet baby girl.  You are a masterpiece and we will forever remember the day you came...