It has been over a month since our last post. There is good reason for this but I won't delve into it. The last 60 days have been challenging at best. For those closest to us they know a portion of what our last two months has included. For those (if any) who are reading for the first time and don't really know us, I am not at liberty to fully disclose at this time. Just trust me when I say it has been eventful.
As this holiday draws near I have been pondering what new meaning it will hold for us this year. I have seen many on Facebook post something each day they are thankful for. While I considered it, I have chosen to make my Thanksgiving thoughts to myself until now. That is certainly not to say that I am not thankful for anything. Nothing could be further from the truth. I guess the challenging last two months have been teaching me that I should always be grateful and thankful not just when our society chooses to focus on it. Though, I must admit, thankfulness cannot truly be understood apart from the Gospel. I will get into that in a moment.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, the goal of my blog is first and foremost to provide a Godly legacy of wisdom we have gained on our faith walk for our children. It has been my hope that they would glean knowledge from our experiences. In doing so, I want our lives to glorify our Creator and serve as a testimony to his unfailing love, mercy and grace. The world around us is busy at work eliminating God from their lives in many facets. It is my hope that we can do just the opposite with our children.
The last two months have sent us on quite an emotional and spiritual roller coaster. It has caused me at many points to question my own faith. Don't misunderstand me, I am not questioning God, merely questioning the strength of my belief in Him. These events have taken me to some of the darkest places I have ever been. I, like many, have the head knowledge of scripture and have full belief in the sufficiency of the Word of God. Putting that into practice, well, therein lies my challenge. Like many, applying the principles of God's word can be difficult; putting faith to my feet. Before anyone begins to recommend a laundry list of books I "need" to read, let me save you the effort. The only book that can help me with this is the Holy Bible. It needs no companion and needs no dumbing down. It is complete all by itself (not to say a commentary can't be useful).
In my time over the last month or so of spending time reading and praying, I have done some pretty dumb things. I have been bold (or rather foolish) enough to ask God, "Why?" I have questioned his perfect and sovereign will. I have argued that I don't deserve what is happening...sound familiar? I have often bemoaned our current circumstance and tried to rationalize how we are the "victim" in this. Truthfully, nothing could be further from the truth. We signed up for this; we invited our current circumstance in a way by choosing to become Foster Parents. No one held a gun to our head to do this. It was not a requirement by anyone other than us. We freely chose this path. Did we choose the twist it has taken, absolutely not! It has brought me to the question..."Is God still in control?" The answer, "YES!" He is in control and while I don't believe he caused this to happen, he knew it would. He also had a plan already put together to handle it. While we still await the results of His plan, we have to trust scripture when it tells us that he will work all things together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. He is most concerned with bringing glory to himself, as he should be. All of this will be for our ultimate good (though admittedly I can't see how just yet).
In college I, like many, worked through the Biblestudy Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby. I don't remember everything from it but I do remember the part where he addresses the Crisis of Belief. I don't recall all of the context of this study point but I can't see how it would be any more appropriate than right now. This experience has brought me specifically to a Crisis of Belief. Do I believe God or not? Do I believe that He is who He says He is or not? Will I walk by faith and not by sight or backslide? Will I allow the darts of despair to penetrate my knowledge of God's word or will I arm myself with the helmet of Salvation to protect my mind and the belt of truth to hold together the breastplate of righteousness, the feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, and the sword of the Spirit. We do not battle CPS, though it may seem that way. We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against powers, principalities and the rulers of darkness of this world. What is at work here is clearly deeper than the physical world. It is this reason that I will tie in the title of the post.
How does this have anything to do with giving thanks with a grateful heart? Let's start with the obvious. I am so thankful that we have our girls back in our home and that we have all 5 of our children under one roof. That was a gift. God moved the judges heart in our favor with compassion. I am thankful I have a loving wife who can walk through this with me. I couldn't handle this alone. I am thankful for all of our children and that God has shown me a glimpse of their worth. I am thankful most of all for God and his Word. His word is filled with words of truth and the promise of his Glory and Sovereignty for those that believe in Him. I am not talking about health, wealth and happiness...to my knowledge those scriptures don't exist. I am talking about that though we may go through persecution on this earth for His sake, it is nothing in comparison to the fact that he gave His Son for us. Here I have been worried about losing two of our children and having our name tarnished for the rest of our lives. That pales in comparison to a God who chose to give up His only begotten Son for those who believe. He had no sin, he didn't break any rules. He was here about the Father's business and for that reason he was despised and rejected by men. He was hung on a cross to die and serve as the ultimate sacrifice for sin. Without that, there would truly be no hope for any of us as none of us is righteous enough to stand before God as judge without Christ having paid the penalty for our sin. He is the way, the truth & the life; No one comes to the Father but through the Son. While our current circumstance seems hopeless at times, when compared to eternity, it really is of small significance. Understand, it is still extremely serious, but it has no bearing on our eternity. It is so easy to forget to view this with eternal perspective.
I don't know how all of this will pan out. That can be extremely frightening for a control freak like myself. But I pray it can be cleared up fairly quickly so as to avoid the pain of the next step should it not go well. I can't guarantee we won't need to walk through fire just to keep our family together. Compared to the suffering of Christ, it seems pretty insignificant. I just pray God can give us the eternal, panoramic, bird's eye view instead of of the cropped, high definition, untouched up view. I pray God will enable us to enter into His gates with thanksgiving and enter His courts with praise...no matter the outcome.
Grace and [continuing to pray for] peace, Soli deo Gloria.
