Happy 1st Birthday!!!

Today is really the eve of a very special day.  Tomorrow we celebrate the 1st birthday of our dear, sweet, daughter, Christyana.  As I reflect on that, I would like to share my thoughts.  Since our blog is really intended to be a written legacy we can leave our children, it is important for me to share with my daughter how much she has changed our lives for the better.  So here it goes...

While I was not there the day you were born, that day will never again go unnoticed.  One year ago, they said you might not make it to the next.  This time last year your poor, sweet body struggled for life.  While in God's perfect plan, your brain hemorrhaged and spinal fluid collected.  While your young mother went into unexplained labor, they said you might not survive.  They said that if you did survive you there were no guarantees as to your future.  They said on a spectrum of normal to cerebral palsy you were probably in the middle somewhere and eluded that your future seemed bleak.  They said you could be severely delayed and that you were medically fragile.  They wrote what they thought would be your story.  In all of their medical knowledge they couldn't possible imagine what an impact you would have and will still have, by God's mercy.

You underwent much medical turmoil in your early days from monitors to incubators and from hospital to hospital only to finally land in the most unlikely of places; our home.  Little did we know that June 1st would become one of the most precious days of our life.  This time a year ago we were pursuing a little girl an ocean and several continents away.  Our heart was to give a home to a little girl who was unwanted by society.  Her health condition brought with it a stigma of fear and misinformation, but we wanted her just the same.  We were devastated when God's ways were not our own.  Then you came.  With a quick phone call and a whirlwind later, God dropped you into our life.  It all begin June 1st.  God was preparing us for a little girl as that is what we were pursing on the adoption front from the beginning. It's funny how I cannot imagine little Diana in our home and I cannot imagine our home with out you.  You have blessed us beyond measure.  Watching you grow and develop has been such a testimony of God's sovereignty and his mercy and grace.  Every time I walk through the door and see your face light up, it warms my heart.  You were my first daughter...though not my eldest one.  Adoption has completely changed our lives in a way we never expected.  Initially I worried that I might not be able to love a child that did not come from our womb.  Looking back at my own foolishness I can say, with great confidence, that the wisdom of man is foolishness in the light of God's wisdom.  He knew what we needed.

You are an amazing little girl!!!  You bring a smile to even the most stern of faces.  Your joyful countenance has blessed many.  Your story has blessed even more because all glory belongs to the Lord!  We couldn't have written a better testimony of God's grace.  That is something that only he could do.

I feel it appropriate to share our doctor's visit with you.  Today we had you assessed by a neurologist at the behest of an alarmist pediatrician (though not your pediatrician).  They advised us to get into a neurologist as soon as possible as we were missing the window of opportunity to get you the help you needed.  I chuckle, now, at that advice.  The neurologist we saw this morning marveled at how well you were doing given your tumultuous birth and NICU history.  After all was said and done, you were within a month developmentally from where you should be based on your adjusted age.  You are a living testimony.  Born at 26 weeks, medical science tells us that you shouldn't be doing as well as you are doing.  We certainly can't take any credit for it.  All we have done is respond with the same love we have been extended by God, the maker of Heaven and Earth.  Any good in you is His doing, not ours.  The fingerprints of an almighty God are all over you.

My prayer for you, as your father, is that you grow in the Lord.  May he bring you to repentance and submission to Him.  May you grow in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.  May your life be a testament to God's faithfulness and mercy.  May he enrich your life spiritually.  I pray that he raise up a Godly young man to lead you and point you back to your Creator.  I pray that you may know the joy of being a mother...the same joy you bring us.  I pray that you may win souls to Christ by the example of your own life.  You are a treasure!!

While selfishly I want you to stay my little girl forever, realistically I know that isn't possible.  Though, no matter how old you get, you will always be my precious baby girl who squeals and giggles when I tickle her and who looks at me and says, "Ga ga ga ga."  This same little girl whose smile could light up a room and whose snuggle could calm even the most anxious soul will be burned into my memory.

We love you with all of our heart!!  Happy Birthday, baby girl.

First "Daddy-Daughter" date...

I got to go on my first Daddy-Daughter date tonight.  Most fathers have to wait 3 years or so to do this...by God's grace I only had to wait 3 weeks.  It was a wonderful evening and such a welcome change.  We had a tough weekend of establishing boundaries and winning/losing some battles.  I am grateful for my wife who insisted I begin this tradition tonight.  The evening was very special and I will cherish it forever.

Cyniya was very shy and standoffish while we got in the car, pretty much the norm toward me over the last three weeks.  As soon as I pulled out of the driveway, the walls came tumbling down and we carried a conversation the entire way to our date.  While I didn't quite follow the conversation of a 3 year old, it was special nevertheless.  We talked about Minnie Mouse and Daisy and Goofy and Mickey.  I also learned that her favorite cookie is "chockit", her favorite cracker is, "chockit" and...um, I am starting to see a pattern.  I think she likes chocolate.  At least she has good taste.

So we arrived at our date place of choice...Rao's Bakery.  We walked in, hand in hand (another big step) and walked past the cookies to the Gelato counter.  I should have known she wanted a cookie.  So we got down and eyed the trays full of cookies.  I asked her what cookie she wanted and she looked at the young man standing next to us and gasped and said, "I don't know..." Overwhelmed with the impending sugar high, no doubt.  The young man next to us in line seemed less than interested but just to see her interact was such a big a step.  I ended up with a small cup of White Chocolate Gelato...I am a sucker for white "chockit."  She chose a thumbprint cookie with, you guessed it, a big old chocolate kiss like dollop on top.

Our 30 minute date was a joy.  We laughed, we talked, we ate, we shared.  I realize that I won't remember what we talked about 20 years from now but I will remember this as the day we first connected...really connected.  It was priceless...

Praise God!!!

The Gospel in a highchair... (Part 1)

So I know it is a bit of an unusual title; let me explain.  I am a finance manager by professional trade however I do enjoy doing a little woodworking on the side.  I have only completed one real project (my boys' bed) but I have done trim work and whatnot...enough to realize I enjoy it.

With the recent enlarging of our family from 2 to 5 little ones in just over 6 months, my wife made it plain to me that we needed another high chair.  While I have had the best intentions in making her one, time has just gotten away from me.  So being the supportive woman she is, she went to her best resource to find one...Craig's List.  She found a beautiful solid wood Jenny Lind style highchair.  It was exactly what she wanted.  And the price...$30.  Can't beat that.  It was well loved meaning it needed a little refinishing work.  And so, thus begins my musings from an amateur carpenter...

So I, like any good man, went to my best resource to figure out where to start...Google.  I found a TLC web article that was very thorough in explaining how to transform this battered chair into a masterpiece.  I began working on it today.  As I worked, I got to thinking, how can I use this to explain the Gospel to my children.  So here it goes.

Understanding the first piece of the Gospel is paramount to grasping the enormity of Christ's sacrifice.  The first piece is recognizing our own depravity.  In terms of this high chair it is a thorough examination of the state of it upfront.  We must take notice of every imperfection of the wood as we will need to treat those carefully as to not cause further damage to the piece of furniture.  Sure in a snapshot on Craig's List it looked to be in perfect condition.  At first glance, even in person, it looked to be adequate.  But as I further examined the fine nooks and crannies, I realized this was not going to be as simple as I thought.  In terms of the Gospel, I have to acknowledge my own flaws and sinful elements of my heart.  Sure, in the eyes of the world I may be a "good person," but as I as I examine my heart using God's standards, I realize that there are many imperfections and flaws.  From a distance it all seems held together and my life appears to be well lived.  But the truth of the matter is, I am depraved to the core.  Scripture states in Isaiah 64 that even our righteousness is as filthy rags.  So even my best still falls short of God's standard.  Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  It is clear by looking at this highchair that there is a lot of work to do.  Once God opens our eyes to our sin, it is also clear of the work to be done.  But take heart, this is just the beginning of the process.

So we move on.  The next step in this wood project is stripping away the varnish.  For those that have attempted this, you know this is a MESSY process.  My research found that there are three ways to remove paint or varnish...1) mechanically, 2) heat or 3) chemical.  The goal of all three methods is to separate the layer of paint or varnish from the object you are trying to refinish.  As a side note, I chose the chemical option.  Thus begins the process of using paint stripper.  Did I mention this was a messy process?  Such precaution must be used.  If you have ever gotten paint stripper on your skin, you know that it burns quickly so you must wear gloves and if you have them, protective glasses.  I didn't have glasses so I just have to be careful.  It was interesting that the longer the paint stripper sat on the tray of the highchair, you could see patches of dirt appear.  I found that fascinating as it is so reminiscent of the next step in the Gospel...repentance.  Falling on our knees before a Holy and Righteous God is like applying the paint stripper.  It can be painful but it is necessary in order for God to strip us of all our unrighteousness.  It is funny that as we begin repenting of our sins, the one from the surface are easy but the longer we repent, the sins down from the depths of our soul rise to the top much like the little patches of dirt I mentioned from the tray.  As we purge our heart and mind of all unrighteousness, God is able to scrape away the layers of junk (i.e. worldliness, poor language, pornography, bad attitudes, rebellion, greed, pride, anger or rather sinning in our anger) from our hearts.  I found with the tray that I had to apply stripper more than once in order to scrape all of the varnish away.  (Actually still in that process with the highchair).  But we must be clean a pure from our iniquities in order for God to use us for his purpose and for his glory. Repentance is a difficult task as it requires us humbling ourselves and acknowledging our own depravity.  It is a necessary step...Matthew 3, "...Repent for the kingdom of Heaven is near."  However, once we get to this point, we are ready to move on to the next part of the process.  In terms of the wood we are stripped to the raw state and ready to have stain applied and a new coat of varnish to become a new work of priceless beauty.  Once we are broken before our God, he then applies his "stain" to our hearts.  It is then that we realize the blood of Christ, shed for our sin and the body of Christ broken for us that we might have eternal life...Salvation

...to be continued...

2 for the price of 1...

Two posts wrapped in one (hence the title).  I actually wrote a post last Thursday and when I went to add pictures, I must have hit a wrong button because the entire post deleted...oops.  So I will wrap up two in one here.  

The first post is entitled, "And...she speaks..."  So after 3 days of silence after getting Cyniya (silence with me, that is), my wife got the idea from a dear friend to select an activity that Cyniya and I could do together in hopes that might break the silence.  For those who know me well, know that I LOVE children and have never met a child yet that I couldn't connect with.  So this was a challenge for me to say the least.  I thought I had lost my touch (Ok, so I'm kidding).  We both knew this would be difficult.  So Lauren made sugar cookies with the kids and asked Cyniya if it would be OK for me to help them decorate to which she got a resounding, "Yes!"  Praise God, the doors of conversation opened up and I learned a little bit about my new little girl.  I learned that, "She 'yikes' 'chockit'" Just imagine that coming out of a 3 year old's mouth and I dare you NOT to smile.  I also learned that she is a very neat and tidy little girl (I think Lauren is in LOVE!) She told me that the boys were messy (which I already knew) and that Mimi's favorite cookies are "chockit" with sprinkles.  (Hmmm...I wonder who's favorite that really is???)

I have enjoyed watching her interact with Lauren and the boys.  She will have full out conversations with Lauren which are too cute for words.  She absolutely adores our two boys.  In those tearful moments that come, Colin can always pull her out of her sadness by making faces.  She just giggles.  It is so wonderful to watch their sweet, little, innocent connection.  She has so drastically changed the dynamic of our family for the better.  What a sweet time this has been!  

I wanted to share a few pictures of our cookie making...it was a TOTAL mess but it was fun just the same.  

Now for the second post..."HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY".  SInce Sundays are a mad dash to get out the door for church (even though our church starts at 11:00 am) our day usually starts between 6:30 and 7:00.  For those that live in a smaller town, you may ask yourself why in the world it takes so long to get out the door for such a late service.  Well let me first say that our church is a 45 minute drive from home.  For a small town that is HUGE, however for Houston, that is nothing especially when it takes 20 minutes to get anywhere; even just around the corner.  But add to the commute, getting 5 little ones dressed and ready to (even though we do as much prep the night before) and having breakfast and getting ourselves ready it is almost orchestrated chaos.  We know many families that have this down to a choreographed dance.  We will get there.

So all of that being said, we decided to celebrate Mother's Day a day early with a special breakfast for Lauren...in bed.  Our menu was simple and consisted of waffles with fresh whipped cream, strawberries and almond slices; a nice hot cup of Earl Grey (her favorite) and a little company.  Yep, we had a master bedroom picnic complete with a plastic tablecloth on the bed and everything.  All but Caitlyn was able to participate.  She had an important date with a nap.  :)  What a wonderful time we had laughing and eating. 

Breakfast of champions!!!  

Somebody likes whipped cream!!!

...and waffles...

Mother's Day has such a different meaning for us this year. It is a time for us to reflect on how different things were this time last year.  We had two beautiful boys, for which we are grateful, and a stack of paperwork sitting on the counter which was the only image of a little girl we were pursuing an ocean and several continents away.  We knew nothing of the three beautiful baby girls with whom we would celebrate this year.  God is amazing and has blessed us far beyond what we deserve.  We are so grateful for his mercy and grace!

Soli Deo Gloria

Finally, under one roof...

So we can rejoice as today marks the first day that our rapidly growing family is under one roof today.  After much anticipation, Cyniya arrived this afternoon.  CPS and her grandparents brought her here to her new home.

All day long I fought butterflies in my stomach.  While this isn't the first child we have parented, this is a unique situation.  The babies were an easy transition.  They just knew they had needs and that they needed to be met.  Cyniya brings a whole new dynamic to the family.  How would she react?  Would she be afraid?  Would there be a dramatic exit of her grandparents like what you see in the movies when a loved one walks away?  So many questions.  By His mercy, it was very uneventful.  Mimi and Poppi brought her over and unloaded her things while we signed the appropriate paperwork assuming custody of her with our CPS case worker and agency representative.  It was a very joyous occasion for us.  Mimi and Poppi said their goodbyes without a tear shed (though I am sure they had a difficult ride home).  I can't even imagine what they must be feeling.  The right decision is not always the easiest one.  But they know that it is not goodbye forever but rather I will see you soon.  We have made the decision to keep that relationship and build on it.  They are adopting our family as much as we are adopting the little girls.

The evening was pleasant we had a nice dinner and then had family worship.  Not sure what her evenings typically consisted of but ours usually end with family worship.  We sang some hymns and songs and then prayed.  Both boys prayed that Cyniya would like her new home.  I thought it was rather sweet.  Afterward we had a wonderful time reading some stories together with lots of giggling and silliness.  Our hope was to make her comfortable and feel at home.  No doubt she was very confused.  But when it came time to brush teeth and get into bed, Lauren spoke with her and she acknowledged that this was her new home.

While this was a much easier evening than we anticipated, no doubt there is still a long road ahead.  We pray that God will give us grace to handle whatever comes!

But just to leave a glimpse of the new footprint of our family... May God be glorified!!!

A Place to Call Home

Well today has been quite a day.  We went to court today for Cyniya.  We have had Caitlyn for two weeks tomorrow.  My head is still spinning about all of this.  Granted it isn't quite as mindblowing as when we got Christyana in that we have had more than 2 hours to adjust to the idea of another daughter.  But that doesn't diminish the enormity of all that has happened.

I think it hit me for the first time today the magnificence of God's grace and mercy in all of this.  As I was driving home from court by myself (I dropped Lauren off to pick up the kids and drive the van home), I was overwhelmed.  Prior to dropping Lauren off, as she and I discussed all of this, I told her that I felt so content with our family.  That is not to say that we don't still desire more children if God so chooses it, mind you.  I am a little ashamed to admit that up until now I have just wanted more children and that was all I could focus on almost making an idol out of it.  Since we surrendered the womb into God's more-than-capable hands almost 4 years ago our focus has been on enlarging our family.  During that time that we walked through infertility, it was so discouraging.  I frequently found myself asking God, "Why?"  We were so excited that we had finally caught the vision for a large family and desired it greatly.  In the back of my mind, I almost felt set up.  Granted that is speaking through my own sinful, proud nature.  We were so eager to share our desire with friends and family and then nothing happened...for a LONG time.  We almost felt mocked; in our arrogance thinking we deserved better.  Let me be the first to say that when we surrender something to God, we need to accept whatever his will is.  In our case, it was God's will for us to walk the path of infertility.  I don't know why but it isn't for me to know.  God's ways are higher than ours, as I have mentioned before.  Fast forward 4 years and here we sit with 5 beautiful children.  Who would have thought this would be our reality.  I feel as though God has blessed us 10 fold what we hoped for.  Again, far more than we deserve!!  I chuckled to myself on the drive as I remembered that this time last year, we were frustrated that our Russian adoption was moving at a record slow pace.  It seemed as though everything hit an obstacle or hurdle we had to cross.  We were so impatient.  In his mercy, he didn't allow us to miss out on this blessing, even in our foolishness.

While the road ahead seems unclear, I wanted to write from the heart to our newest blessing.  I don't know if she completely understands all of this but I am reminded of a song my sister and I wrote together a few years back (thought my sister wrote most if not all of the lyrics).  It was written for a farewell to a pastor whom God was calling elsewhere but in thinking on the lyrics, it seemed appropriate, so I would like to share.  Unfortunately I don't remember all of the lyrics but I will write what I can recall...

"An empty page, awaiting the lines of a glorious tale.  A tale told through laughter, a tale told through tears; A yearning for what is to come.  Is there a place to call home, in the night when the work is all done?  When the road stretches long and the tears have all dried, here is the place to call home.

The tale unfolds, it's beauty unforeseen.  Pain bringing blessing; questions unanswered not sure where this road will lead.  Is there a place to call home, in the night when the work is all done?  When the road stretches long and the tears have all dried, this is the place to call home!"

My prayer for you, dear, sweet daughter is that you will know that though the coming weeks or months will bring much pain and sorrow, you will realize that this is the place you can call home.  We will love you with our whole heart.  It is by God's doing that you have been placed in our home and we hope to point you to Him that you may come to know Him and follow Him.  We pray that God will open your heart to recognize your own sin and need for a Savior.  We are guaranteed nothing in this life but rest assured we are already praying for you and have been for months.  Your brothers couldn't be more excited.  Your sisters, while they are really too young to understand what is happening, will look up to you.

You will be in our home on Monday, and thus begins your journey.

We love you and are so grateful to have been chosen by God to be your guide through this life.  May God's word illuminate your path.  You are special in our eyes and we see you as a treasure!  We know difficult times await us but we are committed to walking through the fire with you.  God has extended us His grace and mercy, how could we not do the same for you?!  He sent his Son to die on the cross for our sin that all who believe might have everlasting life.  What we are doing greatly pales in comparison to that love.  Just know that we can only love you because He first loved us.  It is by his divine plan that we are to be your parents.  What an honor to be chosen for such a responsibility!

Precious girl, you are loved beyond what you could possibly imagine...