It has been a while since our last post. The last two years have been the hardest of our life. But, by God's grace, they are over. We received the judge's decision from our investigation with Residential Childcare Licensing (RCCL). We won!! The charges have now been removed and we can finally move forward with the adoption. I never imagined we would experience this when we agreed to take these two girls into our home. I guess that is why God doesn't allow us to see the future. We wouldn't do anything. The biggest part of adoption is the journey. Christyana's adoption was a wonderful and beautiful journey but I will have to say, I have grown more during this trial (figuratively and literally). We still aren't done with this one and anything to could change between now and the end. But I will say that no matter the outcome, we are a better and stronger family for it.
Lauren has been working so hard in getting the children ready for school (they start Wednesday). After buying uniforms and 8, yes 8 pairs of shoes (we have 4 kids going to school this year), school supplies (on tax free weekend...she's NUTS!!) we are finally ready. We have new clothes, new shoes, new supplies, new lunch boxes, new backpacks, new nap mats...I think we are ready for Armageddon. Ha ha. Thank God for the uniform closet at the school; this is where you can buy/exchange uniforms with other families at little or no cost. We literally would have to sell everything we own to afford all brand new ones. But I digress. Needless to say, I gave her the weekend off. I told her to go away, just her, for the weekend to recoup. So yep, you guessed it, I have all 5 kids to myself. It amazes me how she does this every day and does it well. The kids are not bad, don't misunderstand me but they are busy. Still, we are surviving. I thought it a great time to make some special memories with the kids.
Our day began a bit different than every other Saturday this summer...I got to sleep in till 8 am. We have been doing summer sports at the YMCA this summer so usually our Saturday began at 5:30am just to get everyone out the door by 7:30. So to sleep in till 8 was an unusual treat. We had breakfast (Eggs and bacon) and then I packed up everyone to go for a little outdoor treat. It is excruciatingly hot here and while we have a pool, I didn't feel it was the best idea to have 5 little ones in the pool with me being the only adult. But I knew I needed to choose something wet to do. So we found a neighborhood park in the Heights that had a little water pad and playground. A water pad is a small area where water shoots up from the ground from little fountains. It was a big hit, the kids were safe from drowning and got to play. I enjoyed watching them enjoy themselves.
I then took them to McDonalds for lunch (let's be honest, I wanted to wear them out playing). We shared chicken nuggets and french fries. After breakfast and lunch, it is a miracle my heart didn't stop on the spot. But hey, we try to keep it simple. We came home and all took a nap...well the older three didn't really sleep but played quietly in their rooms. It was a nice break. Then we watched a family movie once everyone was up. The littlest ones were a bit fractious for this. So after dinner, I put them to bed and decided it was a great time to continue our family tradition of s'mores in the fireplace. So, since we live in Texas, the last thing we want to do is heat up the house in August. Fortunately, our gas fireplace doesn't put out a ton of heat. And you get kind of used to the refreshing taste of natural gas flavored burnt marshmallows. It brought back a flood of memories for me. This tradition began in our last house. We had a slightly elevated fireplace. It was shortly before we got the girls that we had our first indoor campout. Of course, at that campout, I setup a tent in the living room and everything. The boys and I read stories and roasted hotdogs and marshmallows in the fireplace. They had a blast, as did I. It is way to hot in this state to tent camp (in my humble air conditioned opinion). Well, when Cyniya came to live with us, this was one of my first good memories with her. As she finished her first gooey cracker, she looked up at me and with an adorably messy face said, "I yike chockit" I think I fell in love in that moment (in a parent child sort of way). Ever since then we have made it a periodic treat. Mind you it is a carefully choreographed routine of cooking a marshmallow, including catching it on fire (they're best when crispy); pulling it out of the fireplace while trying to avoid setting anyone's hair on fire or filling their hair with a white gooey mess and making sure not to get it everyone but on the cracker smothered in chocolate. Inevitably a mess ensues. But in the midst of the mess a memory is made. That is what matters. I remember spending the night at my grandparents house and getting to eat a giant bowl of cereal in front of their fireplace atop their enormous floor pillow settled on top of red shag carpet that was older than I was. My grandparents house was a neat place; I have many memories there. My grandmother was certainly no decorator. The home was filled with eccentric tastes and relics from all over the world. But it was a great place!!
I realized tonight that no matter how crazy life can get (and with 5 children it is downright chaotic sometimes), it is moments like these that I want my children to remember. When I am gone, I don't want them to remember how well I followed a budget or how much money I made. I want them to look back and remember the s'mores. I want them to remember reading stories before bed and wrestling (when they were younger). You never know when your moments with them will be your last. I want to make every moment count. It is far too easy to get weighed down with the cares of the world. But I miss so much when I do that. I want to have made an eternal difference, too. I want them to remember me as a man of faith. We have grown and changed a lot over the past few months especially. My prayer is that our children will grow from that as well. They are worth it.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Saturday, January 25, 2014
IT...IS...FINISHED!!!
Has it really been almost a year since my last blog entry. WOW time flies. I wish I could say that our adoption of Caitlyn and Cyniya was the purpose of the title...wishful thinking. Fortunately, it looks as though this leg of that trip is almost done. But that is a post for another day.
What I am referring to is...THE KITCHEN!!! Just in time to sell...wait, what? Yep, you read correctly. We finished up our kitchen just in time to sell the house. Before you ask if we are crazy, let me explain. We changed churches about this time last year. We enrolled our kids in school about this time last year, too. Our homeschooling wasn't working well given the season of our family and having two small babies. So after much thought, we enrolled our kids into a private catholic school as that is where we found space for them mid-year. We knew we wanted to find a non-Catholic school for the next school year. We began attending a new church which had a school. So in August 2013 the kids began their first year at their new school; our church school. They have done so well there. We love the staff and the fact that everything is taught in the classical style. THe teachers have been such a blessing to us and our children. They love what they do and is shows in their work.
Now that I have given a bit of back story, let me get back to the topic. We made the difficult decision to sell our house and relocate closer to the church/school. While I am used to having an hour to an hour and a half commute a day, Lauren was not. The school was about half way between our home and my work. However, the traffic made Lauren's commute as long or longer than mine. We added up all the time she was either in the car, or sitting at the school waiting. It came to about 5 hours a day. That's right, I said 5 hours a day. So even more insane than us selling our house was the thought of staying there and living with that reality. The babies were suffering from Car Seat rump...kind of like tennis elbow. They were either in the car or in their crib. Obviously that is not ideal!! It was a no brainer to make that decision. We contacted a realtor from our church and began the process of finishing up all the projects around the house that had been started but not completed. (Note to self...do ONE project at a time, next time). By God's grace, we never actually made it to the listing phase. About a week before we were going to list the house, we got a contract from a friend of ours who found out we were selling our house. So...for those who know real estate jargon...Days on the Market - 0. Needless to say it was a mad dash to the finish line to get everything done and moved out prior to closing. We had 6 weeks or so but that time went fast. We temporarily moved in with my mother-in-law mainly to keep the kids out of the way while we busted our hump to accomplish the difficult task of moving. On December 5th, 2013, we signed away the home we had put so much blood, sweat and tears into. The one consolation was that it went to a wonderful family.
So back to the kitchen...the project was begun back in July 2012. It was supposed to be a 60-90 day facelift. Well, if you give a mouse a cookie... I will try to keep it brief as I have a ton of pictures to share.
So the kitchen already had Quartz counter tops and a tumbled marble backsplash which we wanted to keep. So that nixed any plan to rearrange the kitchen's footprint with the lower cabinets. Our initial desire was to turn our 5 ft tall, by 3 ft wide, by 1 ft deep pantry into a real built out pantry with real doors. So that was task number one...in doing that we had to remove the drop-down ceiling that the upper cabinets were attached to. The trouble with that is the cabinets were a house of cards. Once you start removing it, you had to remove all of them as they were all connected and all attached to the drop down ceiling. THey were not true boxes. The were shelving with three sides, the wall served as the back. Since all of our upper cabinets were attached to this drop down ceiling, they all had to go. We raised the area that was the drop down ceiling up to match the rest of the ceiling. It was amazing how much that really opened things up. Next, we pulled out the lighting and put in canned/recessed lighting. We also relocated the refrigerator which meant we had to move a water line for the water and ice maker in the fridge. In tearing things out we realized where the oven used to be had a gas line that needed to be dealt with. So we capped it. We also capped the original line where the fridge was. That was all in the first weekend. I made 42 inch upper cabinets and custom made a cabinet to enclose the fridge and utilize the space above it and around it. Oh, and we framed out and partially sheet rocked a 8ft x 5ft x 2ft (HxWxD) pantry. Great improvement at this point. Now fast forward to the finished product. When all was said and done, in addition to what is mentioned above we did the following:
- Replaced the tile flooring
- Replaced the bottom cabinet facings (boy was that a story...short version, the wood no longer supported the counters so we had to do something as it was rotting. Thank God for a Hydraulic Jack!!)
- Replaced all cabinet doors and hardware
- Installed wainscot in the breakfast area
- Trimmed out all the windows
- Replaced kitchen sink and fixture
- Replaced backsplash. As we decided on a color scheme (White, blue and grey), the cream colored marble backsplash really didn't go nor did the sink, so we replaced both).
- Unexpected items that we threw in there...2 toilets and redoing all of the plumbing/piping in the house. Curse Galvanized Steel plumbing!!!!
What I am referring to is...THE KITCHEN!!! Just in time to sell...wait, what? Yep, you read correctly. We finished up our kitchen just in time to sell the house. Before you ask if we are crazy, let me explain. We changed churches about this time last year. We enrolled our kids in school about this time last year, too. Our homeschooling wasn't working well given the season of our family and having two small babies. So after much thought, we enrolled our kids into a private catholic school as that is where we found space for them mid-year. We knew we wanted to find a non-Catholic school for the next school year. We began attending a new church which had a school. So in August 2013 the kids began their first year at their new school; our church school. They have done so well there. We love the staff and the fact that everything is taught in the classical style. THe teachers have been such a blessing to us and our children. They love what they do and is shows in their work.
Now that I have given a bit of back story, let me get back to the topic. We made the difficult decision to sell our house and relocate closer to the church/school. While I am used to having an hour to an hour and a half commute a day, Lauren was not. The school was about half way between our home and my work. However, the traffic made Lauren's commute as long or longer than mine. We added up all the time she was either in the car, or sitting at the school waiting. It came to about 5 hours a day. That's right, I said 5 hours a day. So even more insane than us selling our house was the thought of staying there and living with that reality. The babies were suffering from Car Seat rump...kind of like tennis elbow. They were either in the car or in their crib. Obviously that is not ideal!! It was a no brainer to make that decision. We contacted a realtor from our church and began the process of finishing up all the projects around the house that had been started but not completed. (Note to self...do ONE project at a time, next time). By God's grace, we never actually made it to the listing phase. About a week before we were going to list the house, we got a contract from a friend of ours who found out we were selling our house. So...for those who know real estate jargon...Days on the Market - 0. Needless to say it was a mad dash to the finish line to get everything done and moved out prior to closing. We had 6 weeks or so but that time went fast. We temporarily moved in with my mother-in-law mainly to keep the kids out of the way while we busted our hump to accomplish the difficult task of moving. On December 5th, 2013, we signed away the home we had put so much blood, sweat and tears into. The one consolation was that it went to a wonderful family.
So back to the kitchen...the project was begun back in July 2012. It was supposed to be a 60-90 day facelift. Well, if you give a mouse a cookie... I will try to keep it brief as I have a ton of pictures to share.
So the kitchen already had Quartz counter tops and a tumbled marble backsplash which we wanted to keep. So that nixed any plan to rearrange the kitchen's footprint with the lower cabinets. Our initial desire was to turn our 5 ft tall, by 3 ft wide, by 1 ft deep pantry into a real built out pantry with real doors. So that was task number one...in doing that we had to remove the drop-down ceiling that the upper cabinets were attached to. The trouble with that is the cabinets were a house of cards. Once you start removing it, you had to remove all of them as they were all connected and all attached to the drop down ceiling. THey were not true boxes. The were shelving with three sides, the wall served as the back. Since all of our upper cabinets were attached to this drop down ceiling, they all had to go. We raised the area that was the drop down ceiling up to match the rest of the ceiling. It was amazing how much that really opened things up. Next, we pulled out the lighting and put in canned/recessed lighting. We also relocated the refrigerator which meant we had to move a water line for the water and ice maker in the fridge. In tearing things out we realized where the oven used to be had a gas line that needed to be dealt with. So we capped it. We also capped the original line where the fridge was. That was all in the first weekend. I made 42 inch upper cabinets and custom made a cabinet to enclose the fridge and utilize the space above it and around it. Oh, and we framed out and partially sheet rocked a 8ft x 5ft x 2ft (HxWxD) pantry. Great improvement at this point. Now fast forward to the finished product. When all was said and done, in addition to what is mentioned above we did the following:
- Replaced the tile flooring
- Replaced the bottom cabinet facings (boy was that a story...short version, the wood no longer supported the counters so we had to do something as it was rotting. Thank God for a Hydraulic Jack!!)
- Replaced all cabinet doors and hardware
- Installed wainscot in the breakfast area
- Trimmed out all the windows
- Replaced kitchen sink and fixture
- Replaced backsplash. As we decided on a color scheme (White, blue and grey), the cream colored marble backsplash really didn't go nor did the sink, so we replaced both).
- Unexpected items that we threw in there...2 toilets and redoing all of the plumbing/piping in the house. Curse Galvanized Steel plumbing!!!!
You can see some of our previous posts for additional pictures. Due to space, I am going to jump forward to the finished product (Before and After shots). But before I do that, I must tell a funny story. Well, it is funny now, but wasn't at the time. We had a sheet rock guy come in to do some of the finishing touches as the project was dragging and we just needed to get it done. So we hired him to float the ceiling, finish floating the walls, and paint everything. He came in and finished the ceiling. About that time we had a mishap with the upstairs toilet. It flooded down into the master bedroom. Well, we got that taken care of which was promptly followed by to additional pinhole leaks in our water lines indicating future problems with the plumbing. So after we paid to have the ceiling done, we had to tear it up throughout the bottom floor to have all of the piping replaced. A tidbit of knowledge about that; Plumbers DON'T fix what they tear up. It isn't included in the quote, so after you pay to have the repairs done, then you have to pay a sheet rock guy to come and fix the damage. Don't get me started on that...So we paid to have our ceiling done twice. Fun, huh?!? I will say, though that the 2nd guy was far better than the first.
Back to pictures. I tried to take pictures with all our appliances in there but the kitchen wasn't clean enough until we moved everything out and cleaned the house prior to selling. ha ha. But here are some before and after pics of the finished product sans the fridge and all of our dishes, food and table.
1) Before
After
2) Before
After
3) The breakfast area - Before
After
4) The Pantry - Before (closest to camera on wall next to fridge)
After
Corner for the fridge.
So while it was a long, long, LONG project (16 months), it was a lot of fun and I don't regret taking it on at all. We look forward to moving into our new home (in two weeks) that is MOVE IN READY!!! We don't have to do anything to it right away. Although, knowing us, we will add some personal touches here and there. And eventually it will need some updating...in the kitchen...LOL.
We will post pics of the new place once we have moved in. Really excited to move on to the next chapter...
Sunday, March 3, 2013
She's 1...
I have actually intended to post this a couple of days ago.
Last Thursday was a special day in our home. Our baby, Caitlyn, turned 1 year old. While I have the best of intentions to write a little note to all of our children on their birthday, it doesn't always happen. I missed Corban who turned 5 back in December and Cyniya who turned 4 back in September. But, trying to get back on track, here is a note for Caitlyn...
Dear Caitlyn,
This year has packed quite a punch for you, baby girl. It has been a year full of change for you. We weren't there the day you entered this world. I was actually sitting in a hotel room in Louisville, KY on a business trip. I remember it as though it were yesterday. Mommy sent me a test message letting me know you had entered into this life. Overall you were healthy. There were just a couple of health concerns that required you to stay in the hospital for about 2 extra weeks. But in the big picture, that was relatively insignificant. We found out you were coming not too long before you arrived. We were already in the process of getting our license so that we could have your older sister placed in our home. Little did we know what that would mean...
Being that you were immediately placed into CPS' care, it took a while for us to meet you for the first time. At that point, we hadn't even met Cyniya. It may seem kind of strange to work so hard for someone you haven't even met, but that is the power of love. Let me be the first to say we were and are thrilled to have you and Cyniya as part of our family. The prospects of God enlarging our family through adoption, though not completely new were really exciting. We were just about to finalize with your other sister, Christyana when you were born. The possibilities were endless and after 3 years of infertility we entered into the realm of adoption by way of Russia. Little did we know that God had our three precious baby girls for us practically in our own back yard. It took us preparing ourselves for a special needs little girl on the other side of the world to be ready to receive not one, but three little blessings. Your brothers were very excited as well. They asked us for a while when they were going to have more brothers and sisters. God, in His sovereignty, withheld from the womb so that he could write a special story for our family.
Your story, along with your two sisters' stories are our tangible example of God's love for us. He has adopted us into His family just as we are trying to adopt you into ours. He chose us, just as we chose you (and He chose you for us). That is incredibly special to us!!
You spent about 5 weeks in a temporary foster home. They really enjoyed having you in their home. They sent a a book with you that included some pictures. While I realize you won't remember them, we are eternally grateful to them for taking such good care of you while we finished our licensing process. I remember the day you arrived at our home and blogged about it here in the post "The Day You Came..."
It has been quite an adjustment to have two babies. We only had Christyana for about 7 months prior to getting you. I don't remember too many details due to the natural chaos of having two infants, not to mention three other children.
This year has taken us on a journey we never expected and weren't prepared for but what has remained constant is our love for you. We fought to get you back when they took you away. We are still in that fight to keep you and clear our name. But we serve a might God and He will work out the details according to His ultimate plan.
I met your birthmother for the first time last Wednesday at court. She loved you (and always will.) She chose life for you and loved you enough to find a home that could love you in the ways she desired but couldn't do. Rest assured, she is doing well now and I look forward to the time when you can meet her again as a new person.
It is incredible how much you have grown. You came to us will little hair and now you have a beautiful head of curly brown hair. You have the most precious eyes and your face lights up like a Christmas tree when you smile. I love that smile!! You are such a happy baby. Even when you are getting your twice daily breathing treatments it is like a game to you and you seem content. You have a powerful set of vocal chords too... :) It is so evident that you adore your family. You are such a special girl! Our life wouldn't be complete without you. Oh...and by the way...your family adores you too!
I pray that this year see the completion of the adoption. I pray that God grows us all in love for Him and for each other. I pray that He transforms your mom and me into the parents He desires for you. You have impacted us so greatly that we can't even remember life before you. You may not have been physically born to us but you are ours nevertheless. We are grateful to have you and look forward to all that God has for you and who you will become through His craftsmanship. You are a treasure, baby girl...WE LOVE YOU!!!
Last Thursday was a special day in our home. Our baby, Caitlyn, turned 1 year old. While I have the best of intentions to write a little note to all of our children on their birthday, it doesn't always happen. I missed Corban who turned 5 back in December and Cyniya who turned 4 back in September. But, trying to get back on track, here is a note for Caitlyn...
Dear Caitlyn,
This year has packed quite a punch for you, baby girl. It has been a year full of change for you. We weren't there the day you entered this world. I was actually sitting in a hotel room in Louisville, KY on a business trip. I remember it as though it were yesterday. Mommy sent me a test message letting me know you had entered into this life. Overall you were healthy. There were just a couple of health concerns that required you to stay in the hospital for about 2 extra weeks. But in the big picture, that was relatively insignificant. We found out you were coming not too long before you arrived. We were already in the process of getting our license so that we could have your older sister placed in our home. Little did we know what that would mean...
Being that you were immediately placed into CPS' care, it took a while for us to meet you for the first time. At that point, we hadn't even met Cyniya. It may seem kind of strange to work so hard for someone you haven't even met, but that is the power of love. Let me be the first to say we were and are thrilled to have you and Cyniya as part of our family. The prospects of God enlarging our family through adoption, though not completely new were really exciting. We were just about to finalize with your other sister, Christyana when you were born. The possibilities were endless and after 3 years of infertility we entered into the realm of adoption by way of Russia. Little did we know that God had our three precious baby girls for us practically in our own back yard. It took us preparing ourselves for a special needs little girl on the other side of the world to be ready to receive not one, but three little blessings. Your brothers were very excited as well. They asked us for a while when they were going to have more brothers and sisters. God, in His sovereignty, withheld from the womb so that he could write a special story for our family.
Your story, along with your two sisters' stories are our tangible example of God's love for us. He has adopted us into His family just as we are trying to adopt you into ours. He chose us, just as we chose you (and He chose you for us). That is incredibly special to us!!
You spent about 5 weeks in a temporary foster home. They really enjoyed having you in their home. They sent a a book with you that included some pictures. While I realize you won't remember them, we are eternally grateful to them for taking such good care of you while we finished our licensing process. I remember the day you arrived at our home and blogged about it here in the post "The Day You Came..."
It has been quite an adjustment to have two babies. We only had Christyana for about 7 months prior to getting you. I don't remember too many details due to the natural chaos of having two infants, not to mention three other children.
This year has taken us on a journey we never expected and weren't prepared for but what has remained constant is our love for you. We fought to get you back when they took you away. We are still in that fight to keep you and clear our name. But we serve a might God and He will work out the details according to His ultimate plan.
I met your birthmother for the first time last Wednesday at court. She loved you (and always will.) She chose life for you and loved you enough to find a home that could love you in the ways she desired but couldn't do. Rest assured, she is doing well now and I look forward to the time when you can meet her again as a new person.
It is incredible how much you have grown. You came to us will little hair and now you have a beautiful head of curly brown hair. You have the most precious eyes and your face lights up like a Christmas tree when you smile. I love that smile!! You are such a happy baby. Even when you are getting your twice daily breathing treatments it is like a game to you and you seem content. You have a powerful set of vocal chords too... :) It is so evident that you adore your family. You are such a special girl! Our life wouldn't be complete without you. Oh...and by the way...your family adores you too!
I pray that this year see the completion of the adoption. I pray that God grows us all in love for Him and for each other. I pray that He transforms your mom and me into the parents He desires for you. You have impacted us so greatly that we can't even remember life before you. You may not have been physically born to us but you are ours nevertheless. We are grateful to have you and look forward to all that God has for you and who you will become through His craftsmanship. You are a treasure, baby girl...WE LOVE YOU!!!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Giving Thanks with a grateful heart...
It has been over a month since our last post. There is good reason for this but I won't delve into it. The last 60 days have been challenging at best. For those closest to us they know a portion of what our last two months has included. For those (if any) who are reading for the first time and don't really know us, I am not at liberty to fully disclose at this time. Just trust me when I say it has been eventful.
As this holiday draws near I have been pondering what new meaning it will hold for us this year. I have seen many on Facebook post something each day they are thankful for. While I considered it, I have chosen to make my Thanksgiving thoughts to myself until now. That is certainly not to say that I am not thankful for anything. Nothing could be further from the truth. I guess the challenging last two months have been teaching me that I should always be grateful and thankful not just when our society chooses to focus on it. Though, I must admit, thankfulness cannot truly be understood apart from the Gospel. I will get into that in a moment.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, the goal of my blog is first and foremost to provide a Godly legacy of wisdom we have gained on our faith walk for our children. It has been my hope that they would glean knowledge from our experiences. In doing so, I want our lives to glorify our Creator and serve as a testimony to his unfailing love, mercy and grace. The world around us is busy at work eliminating God from their lives in many facets. It is my hope that we can do just the opposite with our children.
The last two months have sent us on quite an emotional and spiritual roller coaster. It has caused me at many points to question my own faith. Don't misunderstand me, I am not questioning God, merely questioning the strength of my belief in Him. These events have taken me to some of the darkest places I have ever been. I, like many, have the head knowledge of scripture and have full belief in the sufficiency of the Word of God. Putting that into practice, well, therein lies my challenge. Like many, applying the principles of God's word can be difficult; putting faith to my feet. Before anyone begins to recommend a laundry list of books I "need" to read, let me save you the effort. The only book that can help me with this is the Holy Bible. It needs no companion and needs no dumbing down. It is complete all by itself (not to say a commentary can't be useful).
In my time over the last month or so of spending time reading and praying, I have done some pretty dumb things. I have been bold (or rather foolish) enough to ask God, "Why?" I have questioned his perfect and sovereign will. I have argued that I don't deserve what is happening...sound familiar? I have often bemoaned our current circumstance and tried to rationalize how we are the "victim" in this. Truthfully, nothing could be further from the truth. We signed up for this; we invited our current circumstance in a way by choosing to become Foster Parents. No one held a gun to our head to do this. It was not a requirement by anyone other than us. We freely chose this path. Did we choose the twist it has taken, absolutely not! It has brought me to the question..."Is God still in control?" The answer, "YES!" He is in control and while I don't believe he caused this to happen, he knew it would. He also had a plan already put together to handle it. While we still await the results of His plan, we have to trust scripture when it tells us that he will work all things together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. He is most concerned with bringing glory to himself, as he should be. All of this will be for our ultimate good (though admittedly I can't see how just yet).
In college I, like many, worked through the Biblestudy Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby. I don't remember everything from it but I do remember the part where he addresses the Crisis of Belief. I don't recall all of the context of this study point but I can't see how it would be any more appropriate than right now. This experience has brought me specifically to a Crisis of Belief. Do I believe God or not? Do I believe that He is who He says He is or not? Will I walk by faith and not by sight or backslide? Will I allow the darts of despair to penetrate my knowledge of God's word or will I arm myself with the helmet of Salvation to protect my mind and the belt of truth to hold together the breastplate of righteousness, the feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, and the sword of the Spirit. We do not battle CPS, though it may seem that way. We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against powers, principalities and the rulers of darkness of this world. What is at work here is clearly deeper than the physical world. It is this reason that I will tie in the title of the post.
How does this have anything to do with giving thanks with a grateful heart? Let's start with the obvious. I am so thankful that we have our girls back in our home and that we have all 5 of our children under one roof. That was a gift. God moved the judges heart in our favor with compassion. I am thankful I have a loving wife who can walk through this with me. I couldn't handle this alone. I am thankful for all of our children and that God has shown me a glimpse of their worth. I am thankful most of all for God and his Word. His word is filled with words of truth and the promise of his Glory and Sovereignty for those that believe in Him. I am not talking about health, wealth and happiness...to my knowledge those scriptures don't exist. I am talking about that though we may go through persecution on this earth for His sake, it is nothing in comparison to the fact that he gave His Son for us. Here I have been worried about losing two of our children and having our name tarnished for the rest of our lives. That pales in comparison to a God who chose to give up His only begotten Son for those who believe. He had no sin, he didn't break any rules. He was here about the Father's business and for that reason he was despised and rejected by men. He was hung on a cross to die and serve as the ultimate sacrifice for sin. Without that, there would truly be no hope for any of us as none of us is righteous enough to stand before God as judge without Christ having paid the penalty for our sin. He is the way, the truth & the life; No one comes to the Father but through the Son. While our current circumstance seems hopeless at times, when compared to eternity, it really is of small significance. Understand, it is still extremely serious, but it has no bearing on our eternity. It is so easy to forget to view this with eternal perspective.
I don't know how all of this will pan out. That can be extremely frightening for a control freak like myself. But I pray it can be cleared up fairly quickly so as to avoid the pain of the next step should it not go well. I can't guarantee we won't need to walk through fire just to keep our family together. Compared to the suffering of Christ, it seems pretty insignificant. I just pray God can give us the eternal, panoramic, bird's eye view instead of of the cropped, high definition, untouched up view. I pray God will enable us to enter into His gates with thanksgiving and enter His courts with praise...no matter the outcome.
Grace and [continuing to pray for] peace, Soli deo Gloria.
As this holiday draws near I have been pondering what new meaning it will hold for us this year. I have seen many on Facebook post something each day they are thankful for. While I considered it, I have chosen to make my Thanksgiving thoughts to myself until now. That is certainly not to say that I am not thankful for anything. Nothing could be further from the truth. I guess the challenging last two months have been teaching me that I should always be grateful and thankful not just when our society chooses to focus on it. Though, I must admit, thankfulness cannot truly be understood apart from the Gospel. I will get into that in a moment.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, the goal of my blog is first and foremost to provide a Godly legacy of wisdom we have gained on our faith walk for our children. It has been my hope that they would glean knowledge from our experiences. In doing so, I want our lives to glorify our Creator and serve as a testimony to his unfailing love, mercy and grace. The world around us is busy at work eliminating God from their lives in many facets. It is my hope that we can do just the opposite with our children.
The last two months have sent us on quite an emotional and spiritual roller coaster. It has caused me at many points to question my own faith. Don't misunderstand me, I am not questioning God, merely questioning the strength of my belief in Him. These events have taken me to some of the darkest places I have ever been. I, like many, have the head knowledge of scripture and have full belief in the sufficiency of the Word of God. Putting that into practice, well, therein lies my challenge. Like many, applying the principles of God's word can be difficult; putting faith to my feet. Before anyone begins to recommend a laundry list of books I "need" to read, let me save you the effort. The only book that can help me with this is the Holy Bible. It needs no companion and needs no dumbing down. It is complete all by itself (not to say a commentary can't be useful).
In my time over the last month or so of spending time reading and praying, I have done some pretty dumb things. I have been bold (or rather foolish) enough to ask God, "Why?" I have questioned his perfect and sovereign will. I have argued that I don't deserve what is happening...sound familiar? I have often bemoaned our current circumstance and tried to rationalize how we are the "victim" in this. Truthfully, nothing could be further from the truth. We signed up for this; we invited our current circumstance in a way by choosing to become Foster Parents. No one held a gun to our head to do this. It was not a requirement by anyone other than us. We freely chose this path. Did we choose the twist it has taken, absolutely not! It has brought me to the question..."Is God still in control?" The answer, "YES!" He is in control and while I don't believe he caused this to happen, he knew it would. He also had a plan already put together to handle it. While we still await the results of His plan, we have to trust scripture when it tells us that he will work all things together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. He is most concerned with bringing glory to himself, as he should be. All of this will be for our ultimate good (though admittedly I can't see how just yet).
In college I, like many, worked through the Biblestudy Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby. I don't remember everything from it but I do remember the part where he addresses the Crisis of Belief. I don't recall all of the context of this study point but I can't see how it would be any more appropriate than right now. This experience has brought me specifically to a Crisis of Belief. Do I believe God or not? Do I believe that He is who He says He is or not? Will I walk by faith and not by sight or backslide? Will I allow the darts of despair to penetrate my knowledge of God's word or will I arm myself with the helmet of Salvation to protect my mind and the belt of truth to hold together the breastplate of righteousness, the feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, and the sword of the Spirit. We do not battle CPS, though it may seem that way. We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against powers, principalities and the rulers of darkness of this world. What is at work here is clearly deeper than the physical world. It is this reason that I will tie in the title of the post.
How does this have anything to do with giving thanks with a grateful heart? Let's start with the obvious. I am so thankful that we have our girls back in our home and that we have all 5 of our children under one roof. That was a gift. God moved the judges heart in our favor with compassion. I am thankful I have a loving wife who can walk through this with me. I couldn't handle this alone. I am thankful for all of our children and that God has shown me a glimpse of their worth. I am thankful most of all for God and his Word. His word is filled with words of truth and the promise of his Glory and Sovereignty for those that believe in Him. I am not talking about health, wealth and happiness...to my knowledge those scriptures don't exist. I am talking about that though we may go through persecution on this earth for His sake, it is nothing in comparison to the fact that he gave His Son for us. Here I have been worried about losing two of our children and having our name tarnished for the rest of our lives. That pales in comparison to a God who chose to give up His only begotten Son for those who believe. He had no sin, he didn't break any rules. He was here about the Father's business and for that reason he was despised and rejected by men. He was hung on a cross to die and serve as the ultimate sacrifice for sin. Without that, there would truly be no hope for any of us as none of us is righteous enough to stand before God as judge without Christ having paid the penalty for our sin. He is the way, the truth & the life; No one comes to the Father but through the Son. While our current circumstance seems hopeless at times, when compared to eternity, it really is of small significance. Understand, it is still extremely serious, but it has no bearing on our eternity. It is so easy to forget to view this with eternal perspective.
I don't know how all of this will pan out. That can be extremely frightening for a control freak like myself. But I pray it can be cleared up fairly quickly so as to avoid the pain of the next step should it not go well. I can't guarantee we won't need to walk through fire just to keep our family together. Compared to the suffering of Christ, it seems pretty insignificant. I just pray God can give us the eternal, panoramic, bird's eye view instead of of the cropped, high definition, untouched up view. I pray God will enable us to enter into His gates with thanksgiving and enter His courts with praise...no matter the outcome.
Grace and [continuing to pray for] peace, Soli deo Gloria.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Food, glorious food; who knows what it taste like?
Forgive the borrowed line from Oliver. So we are on Day 4 of our quest to eat more on the healthy side. So far this week we have had...Sausage & Kale Rigatoni (Weight Watchers Recipe). OK, so admittedly pasta wasn't the healthiest choice. But Sunday, I think I would have eaten a cow...whole, with the skin and bones. So I was not being picky. Last night we had homemade Fettucini Alfredo (again, not exactly low fat) but it was made from scratch. Delicious!!! It had Chicken and Broccoli in it. Tonight we had a fabulous, made-from-scratch pizza. Instead of pizza sauce I used garlic butter. On top of that I layered spinach, tomato slices, yellow sweet peppers, onions, a little bit of feta and little bit of mozzarella all on a whole wheat crust homemade crust. WOW...It hit the spot but without that heavy, artery clogging feeling I get from Papa John's. And the best part, no acid reflux!! We also had a spinach salad with all kinds of healthy veggies in it.
I am still not quite at the feeling better moment, but I am hopeful that will come. We are also still juicing. I have grown accustomed to the flavors. It is amazing how different real juice tastes compared to processed juice. It is definitely different, that is an understatement. I think I am ready to branch out and start creating my own flavors mixing fruits and veggies. In all of this, I have come realize that cucumbers are not as bad as I thought and beets are better when they are peeled otherwise they taste like dirt.
I have been doing some reading on juices as well, I am learning all kinds of interesting facts. My body is toxin filled. It is amazing that after almost 35 years of not eating well I have gotten my body in the shape it is in. But I must also say that I am really enjoying experimenting with new foods and flavors. The pizza tonight was definitely an experiment but it was worth it as it turned out well.
So we plunge ahead, one day and one meal at a time.
I am still not quite at the feeling better moment, but I am hopeful that will come. We are also still juicing. I have grown accustomed to the flavors. It is amazing how different real juice tastes compared to processed juice. It is definitely different, that is an understatement. I think I am ready to branch out and start creating my own flavors mixing fruits and veggies. In all of this, I have come realize that cucumbers are not as bad as I thought and beets are better when they are peeled otherwise they taste like dirt.
I have been doing some reading on juices as well, I am learning all kinds of interesting facts. My body is toxin filled. It is amazing that after almost 35 years of not eating well I have gotten my body in the shape it is in. But I must also say that I am really enjoying experimenting with new foods and flavors. The pizza tonight was definitely an experiment but it was worth it as it turned out well.
So we plunge ahead, one day and one meal at a time.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Day 2 - Slight change in game plan
I can't do this for 10 days...This morning's juice was good. It was grapes, blackberries, apples, & ginger. It actually was not bad at all. The ginger was a little strong but other than that I would do it again.
Lauren and I both realized, we can't function doing this...she has to teach our children and I have to work and be able to think. We have been zombies for the last two days. So we have struck a compromise. We will continue to juice some but not all meals. The rest we will focus on eating whole foods (not processed) focusing mostly on fruits and vegetables as well as portion control. Our snacks will either be fresh juice or raw fruits and vegetables. We are going to eliminate junk from our grocery trip. We will do as the French do and shop the perimeter of the store rather than the middle. :) For those that haven't quite gotten what that means let me spell it out. The perimeter of the grocery store, while it does have some processed foods is predominately the whole foods; your produce, some dairy, meats, etc. Mind you it is not 100% fool proof but it is a way for us to try to eat healthier.
I am not completely swearing off juicing, just modifying it. So all the produce we purchased will not go to waste. I will say this...even with only two days juicing, my taste buds have been craving honest to goodness food not junk. So that is good.
Going to do one more juice today and then a sensible dinner...:) Praise GOD for food!!!
Lauren and I both realized, we can't function doing this...she has to teach our children and I have to work and be able to think. We have been zombies for the last two days. So we have struck a compromise. We will continue to juice some but not all meals. The rest we will focus on eating whole foods (not processed) focusing mostly on fruits and vegetables as well as portion control. Our snacks will either be fresh juice or raw fruits and vegetables. We are going to eliminate junk from our grocery trip. We will do as the French do and shop the perimeter of the store rather than the middle. :) For those that haven't quite gotten what that means let me spell it out. The perimeter of the grocery store, while it does have some processed foods is predominately the whole foods; your produce, some dairy, meats, etc. Mind you it is not 100% fool proof but it is a way for us to try to eat healthier.
I am not completely swearing off juicing, just modifying it. So all the produce we purchased will not go to waste. I will say this...even with only two days juicing, my taste buds have been craving honest to goodness food not junk. So that is good.
Going to do one more juice today and then a sensible dinner...:) Praise GOD for food!!!
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Day 1 - I think I'm gonna be sick!!!
Day 1...are we done yet? The breakfast juice was actually not bad. 6 carrots and 6 apples (though after the fact we realized we were only supposed to do 4). It was sweet and fairly palatable. However, this makes a ton of juice and while the directions are not clear, I think we are to finish each meal. That meant that we had 3 tumblerfuls of this stuff. I feel like I'm gonna be sick!!!
The next juice "Mean green" was not particularly good. Lauren didn't mind it. I stopped with 1 and a half tumblerfuls. I couldn't gag anymore down. It consisted of cucumber, kale, apple, celery, lemon and ginger. Not my favorite, by any means!!
Third, this one takes the cake for today...I took one sip and thought I was going to vomit on the spot. I skipped that one. It was a Gazpacho Juice...that did me in. I couldn't handle that one. I don't like gazpacho anyway. The onion is what threw me over the edge. Who in their right mind would juice an onion?!? It was revolting.
So now we are on juice # 4 for the day. Lauren just dry heaved...not feeling good about this. What have we done??? I feel terrible. I know this is all part of the deal. The first three days are the toughest. I have a headache, I am tired, I want nothing more than a plain grilled chicken breast, no sauce, no butter, nothing...just pure MEAT!! I hope I can survive 10 days of this. The detox process is horrible. But, again, I did this to myself. Through my poor eating habits, I have loaded my body with toxins.
Honestly, though, I really want to quit, already. But we have invested a chunk of change in this (the produce). So I need to do this.
Lauren is experiencing fluish symptoms (which is part of the normal detox process). This is awful!! The smell alone of the juicing process is nauseating.
So bottoms up on the last juice of the day, we skipped one because we got a late start. I hope tomorrow is better. I don't know that I can survive another day like today.
The next juice "Mean green" was not particularly good. Lauren didn't mind it. I stopped with 1 and a half tumblerfuls. I couldn't gag anymore down. It consisted of cucumber, kale, apple, celery, lemon and ginger. Not my favorite, by any means!!
Third, this one takes the cake for today...I took one sip and thought I was going to vomit on the spot. I skipped that one. It was a Gazpacho Juice...that did me in. I couldn't handle that one. I don't like gazpacho anyway. The onion is what threw me over the edge. Who in their right mind would juice an onion?!? It was revolting.
So now we are on juice # 4 for the day. Lauren just dry heaved...not feeling good about this. What have we done??? I feel terrible. I know this is all part of the deal. The first three days are the toughest. I have a headache, I am tired, I want nothing more than a plain grilled chicken breast, no sauce, no butter, nothing...just pure MEAT!! I hope I can survive 10 days of this. The detox process is horrible. But, again, I did this to myself. Through my poor eating habits, I have loaded my body with toxins.
Honestly, though, I really want to quit, already. But we have invested a chunk of change in this (the produce). So I need to do this.
Lauren is experiencing fluish symptoms (which is part of the normal detox process). This is awful!! The smell alone of the juicing process is nauseating.
So bottoms up on the last juice of the day, we skipped one because we got a late start. I hope tomorrow is better. I don't know that I can survive another day like today.
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